Meagan Osgood's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad, Uber-Stealing Day

"A rather bizarre incident from over the weekend," Larimer County Sheriff Justin Smith wrote in a Facebook post about the arrest of Broomfield's Meagan Osgood. And that's as succinct a description as any about what went down. Osgood is accused of getting into a drunken fight, stealing an Uber driver's car and being so obstinate to law enforcers that they eventually had to pepperball her.

To put it mildly, this behavior contrasts wildly with Osgood's ultra-professional online presentations, leading to the theory that her drive on the wild side was more a Schmuck of the Week-y side trip than a typical event.

The introduction to Osgood's Weebly page begins: "My name is Meagan Osgood. I attended Michigan State University where I studied Interdisciplinary Humanities. My degree is a compilation of English, Professional Writing and Business. I love to read and write and spend time with family and friends. I am passionate about movies (old and new), fashion, baseball, college football, cooking and reading. I believe Rene Descartes said it best: 'The reading of all good books is like a conversation with the finest minds of past centuries. Language is the most powerful tool we possess and if used correctly it can change the world.'"

After earning her degree from MSU, according to her LinkedIn page, Osgood took a position at a major department store at Park Meadows and quickly began scaling the organizational ladder; her most recent gig is listed as assistant department manager.

Now try and square this portrait with the Larimer County Sheriff's Office account of her actions during the early hours of February 18.

Near the 700 block of Glenn Ridge Drive in Fort Collins, where the incident got under way.

Google Maps

At about 2:40 a.m. on the 18th, LCSO deputies were called to the 700 block of Glenn Ridge Drive in Fort Collins on a report of a vehicle theft. The victim turned out to be an Uber driver who said that upon arriving at that destination, a female passenger — Osgood — began fighting with others along for the ride, then refused to get out of the car. In an attempt to calm the conflict, the driver stepped outside, at which point Osgood allegedly locked the doors, then hopped behind the wheel and drove the vehicle through a yard. She's said to have smacked a retaining wall, a tree and some landscaping before zooming away, narrowly missing Mr. Uber in the process.

"It was also reported that the female was very intoxicated," the sheriff's office narrative notes.

Osgood didn't exactly vanish into the darkness. Before long, deputies and officers from Fort Collins Police Services spotted the car, now boasting heavy front-end damage, motoring near the intersection of College Avenue and Myrtle Street. They managed to halt its progress by way of what's characterized as a "high-risk traffic stop," but after coming to a halt, Osgood once again refused to leave the vehicle — and when she finally did so, she wouldn't move away from it.

Her stubbornness seems to have finally exhausted the patience of one Fort Collins cop. He first shot a pepperball at the ground in front of Osgood, then fired one at her lower body for good measure.

After Osgood was taken into custody and checked out at a local hospital because of the crash and the fumes, she was booked on suspicion of aggravated motor vehicle theft, felony menacing, criminal mischief, DUI, obstructing a peace officer and resisting arrest.

Talk about having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

• Schmuck of the Week