Medical marijuana dispensary burglary nets $8 and a broken scale

9News broke the story last night of a group of burglars who broke into Riverside Wellness early Monday morning, walking out with a whopping $8 in cash and leaving hundreds of live marijuana plants just weeks from maturity untouched.

It wasn't exactly the work of criminal masterminds.

Four men wearing matching outfits (how cute) used a crowbar to enter the dispensary around 2:30 a.m. As the dispensary owner told reporter Eric Kahnert, they looked more like a boy band gone awry than robbers. Police told the owner of the dispensary that the four are likely the suspects in other recent dispensary burglaries.

Burglaries that have netted practically nothing in return, presumably. So pay attention hoodlums: You aren't going to get rich by burglarizing a medical marijuana dispensary.

Each night, by law (and by the law of common sense), MMCs lock up everything, including ganja and money, in massive iron vaults that would require one of you to be trained in safe cracking and Hollywood-like timing and execution. And I highly doubt that would be possible, considering you guys overlooked so many plants.

At most, you'll come away with a few glass pipes left in a counter (which you'd probably break trying to get away in a hurry) and a few crumbs of shake stuck in the carpet behind the bud bar. Or, in this case, an empty pot container, a broken scale and a whopping $8 left behind in the "karma jar."

Marijuana Deals Near You

Yes, you theoretically could have run off with huge stalks of live marijuana, but odds are you wouldn't know what to do with the still-wet buds, either. By the way, Riverside Wellness sells its herb at $30 an eighth/$210 an ounce. At that price, you're better off walking in, purchasing the herb legally and then walking out to resell it on the streets -- which I assume was the goal of your failed mission to begin with.

Here's the 9News report:

More from our marijuana archives: "NORML exec predicts THC driving bill's return, hopes for improvement"; "Medical marijuana registry numbers climb for fourth month in a row"

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the Westword community and help support independent local journalism in Denver.


Join the Westword community and help support independent local journalism in Denver.