Michael Vick: Professional Dumbass

Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick has been indicted by a federal grand jury for dog fighting. If the charges are true, this guy has to be one of the stupidest human beings of all time. How can you believe that as one of the highest profile players in the most popular sport in America you can run a business that breeds dogs for fighting and be deeply involved with setting up the fights yourself and not get caught? That's just fucking dumb! And it's not like that's his only bonehead maneuver...

Consider also his recent run in with a water bottle that appeared to be built to conceal dope at an airport. His Ron Mexico/herpes scandal and lawsuit don't imply much brains. Finally, of course, there's his play on the field. The guy is a great athlete, but my guess is one of his teammates has to help him tie his shoes.

Considering the immense smackdown the NFL just laid on Pacman Jones, Vick's main competitor for "Dumbest Man in Pro Football (If Not the World) Award," I'd say the Atlanta Falcons are in the market for a new starting quarterback. In related news, Duante Culpepper was released from the Dolphins today. My guess is he was on the phone (if not a plane) to Atlanta ten minutes later.

Here's a parody video about Vick's charming hobby of breeding and killing dogs for sport. It casts him as a total fucktard, which is great, because he is. -- Cory Casciato

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Cory Casciato is a Denver-based writer with a passion for the geeky, from old science fiction movies to brand-new video games.
Contact: Cory Casciato