LeBron James and his band of merry sidekicks come to Denver next Friday for a nationally televised showdown with the Nuggets. The way the Cavs are playing -- with a swagger and confidence unseen in Cleveland since the invention of the elastic wasteband -- it's hard to see the Nuggets winning, despite their recent resurgence. However, if Nuggets fans are up to the challenge, they may just be able to seal a Denver victory.
You see, James turns 24 next week. It's a big milestone, because, as everyone knows, you have to be 25 to rent Costa Rica. And James isn't one to miss a chance to celebrate his birthday. So next Thursday, the night before the game, he's apparently hosting his "official" birthday bash right here in Denver, at -- where else? -- the former Real World Denver house, now a nightclub called Theorie. He will be joined by the Cavs' new point guard, Mo Williams. Somewhere, Damon Jones weeps gently into his Li-Nings.
I spent a few years in Cleveland and I have to admit: In the few instances where I saw James out, he never was drinking -- including his 21st birthday (although that may have been because his crazy-ass mom was there). It seems he's not one to get hammered the night before games. But it's never too late to start, right, sports fans? So do your part. Buy the man a shot. If you're a man, question his manhood when he declines. If you're a woman, do something else to his manhood. And no matter what, at some point during the party -- this is key -- walk up to LeBron, look him straight in the eye, and dramatically clap chalk into his face.
That has nothing to do with the drinking thing. It would just be really funny. -- Joe Tone