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Obama haters signing Colorado-must-secede petition should be deported, says new petition

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On Monday, we reported that after only two days on WhiteHouse.gov, a Colorado petition to secede from the United States already had more than 3,000 signatures -- part of an odd post-election craze that now includes all fifty states. But Obama-haters aren't the only ones speaking out. WhiteHouse.gov is now home to several counter-petitions, some calling for deportation and exile of those who want to secede.

As of this writing, Colorado's secession petition has gathered more than 18,000 signatures, though, as we noted in our original post, many are from non-Colorado residents.

The White House's online petitioning platform says that officials will respond if a petition reaches 25,000 signatures within thirty days. And at this point, given all the hype and media attention around these petitions, the administration will have to respond in some form to the calls for secession, given that Texas has already surpassed the limit. Most of the state petitions for secession have similar if not identical language in their pleas.

If the counter-petitioners had their way, Colorado residents and citizens across the country who supported secession would soon be leaving the country. Forcibly.

One of the first ones that popped up in response to the secession calls is entitled "Deport Everyone That Signed A Petition To Withdraw Their State From The United States Of America." Short and sweet, that is literally all it says. At present, it's collected more than 15,000 signatures.

But it doesn't stop there.

Another petition created yesterday says that it's fine if states want to leave -- but not before they pay their debt to the U.S. It is labeled "Force all states to pay their portion of the national debt before they can secede from the union."

Here's the text:

Residents of all states who wish to secede from the union should be required to take their own advice about 'personal responsibility', and pay their share of the national debt before being released to fend for themselves.

This debt must be paid in full, or they cannot leave.

This means no federal assistance, period.

Abridged list includes no more upkeep for highways, nor for interstates or bridges, no federally funded law enforcement or fire department, no public libraries, no phone lines, no cable television, no cell phone towers, no power grids, no water lines, no mail services, no paramedics, no hospitals which accept Medicare/Medicaid funding, no ATF, FBI, DOJ, SWAT, or Department of Homeland Security, no Border Guard, National Guard, Coast Guard, Corps of Engineers, or WITSEC.

This one has 2,179 signatures at present.

Continue for more anti-secession petitions. Another petition, created Monday, has an even simpler message: "Keep the United States United:"

The United States of America was founded on principles of democracy and cooperation. We have gone through over two centuries of triumph and turmoil, but more importantly,we have done so as a united country.

Times have been tough for all of us; some states are frustrated to the point of petitioning for secession, but now is not the time to be divided.Their actions can only harm our country. The best way to help the American people is not through bipartisan bickering, secession, or the general lack of cooperation that runs rampant in our country. The best and only way to help the American people is by continuing to be "one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

We the undersigned implore the Administration to do everything in its power to keep our nation united.

Number of signatures: 1,525.

A fourth petition relies a bit less on patriotism. It's called "Strip the Citizenship from Everyone who Signed a Petition to Secede and Exile Them:"

Mr. President, please sign an executive order such that each American citizen who signed a petition from any state to secede from the USA shall have their citizenship stripped and be peacefully deported.

At least the call is peaceful! It has 9,313 signatures.

And if residents of left-leaning Denver is worried about Colorado's petition, they may want to follow in the footsteps of someone from Austin, Texas, which came up with this hilarious request to the White House: "Peacefully grant the city of Austin Texas to withdraw from the state of Texas & remain part of the United States.Democracy, y'all.

More from our Politics archive: "Amendment 64-inspired petition says Florida pot law would benefit "stoners and children""

Follow Sam Levin on Twitter at @SamTLevin. E-mail the author at Sam.Levin@Westword.com.

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