Pop Quiz

Loved that San Diego Super Bowl. Loved it! When Elway faded back and found...oh, wait a minute. That seems like a decade ago. Guess we haven't been paying close attention to Denver sports lately (and with good reason). But for those who have:

1. Prior to the game, Bill "Juicy Fruit" Romanowski offered this comparison between his old team and his new one:

A. "Rich Gannon loves the game...Brian Griese does not."

B. "I'd rather see an old pirate waddle than a pony trot."

C. "Al Davis makes Pat Bowlen look like a Smurf."

D. "Dressing in black and silver comes naturally; orange is only good for pumpkins."

2. In a fitting gesture, Nuggets guard Rodney White did this last week against the Knicks:

A. Ran a lap around Madison Square Garden waving an "I Heart NY" banner.

B. Threw up on the floor.

C. Gift-wrapped a shiny new wheelchair for injury-prone Marcus Camby.

D. Executed a back flip next to Lil' Knicky, the New York mascot.

3. Over in Rockies-land, the brain trust fanned pennant fever last week by:

A. Luring radio play-by-play man Wayne Hagin back from St. Louis.

B. Offering slugging infielder Jay Bell a year's free rent in Mike Hampton's former house.

C. Trotting out a new shade of purple for mascot Dinger.

D. Inking a tubby reliever nicknamed "El Guapo."

4. Which is an actual team scheduled to play the Colorado Crush in its inaugural season of head-butting?

A. Tush.

B. Rush.

C. Slash.

D. Mash.

5. Even while beating Columbus, all but one of the following plagued the Avs:

A. Dean McAmond missed a free penalty shot, the first one the club's had in nearly a year.

B. Valued defenseman Derek Morris got mashed in the eye, and left with blood trickling.

C. Coach Granato complained that someone swapped a tube of ointment for his Top Brass hair cream.

D. The team was hit with three "too-many-men-on-the-ice" penalties. Six, guys -- only six.

6. Sport-of-politics bonus: Gary Hart, appearing to sail ahead with his presidential bid, said this about his Monkey Business past:

A. "After Clinton, you think anyone cares?"

B. "I'm more mature now."

C. "The point is that I know a lot more about international affairs than domestic ones."

D. "It won't happen again. Trust me."


1. A. Romo took time out to diss ex-teammate Griese.

2. B. White upchucked a hairball rather than an airball during the loss.

3. D. "El Guapo," the 250-pound Rich Garces, is rolling toward Colorado.

4. B. Rush -- although it's possible all of the other names will qualify if the season drags on.

5. C. No cream scheme.

6. B. The former senator swears he's more mature now. After all, he's in his sixties.

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Ernie Tucker
Contact: Ernie Tucker