Rocky Mountain News Anagrams Spell "Moronic"

Ho-lee Christ: It's still more than a month until the Democratic National Convention and the Rocky Mountain News' tie-ins to the big event are already way more desperate than I could ever have imagined.

July 9's head-slamming abomination? Anagrams of the words "donkey and elephant," which include: "Head Planned Keynote," "Pothead Nanny Keeled," "Helped," "Naked Planet Honeyed" and, of course, "Tanked Anyone."

Thank goodness I don't keep any Drāno in my office -- because, well, chug-a-lug-a-lug.

My first thought upon seeing this item was that the Rocky web department missed a great opportunity for an Internet extra: video of an editor finding a way to ask a staffer -- or an intern, more likely -- to spend his or her time on this idiotic assignment. (Those college loans you still owe thousands of dollars on are really paying off!) But then I discovered, to my profound shock, that this was the second time the paper had published convention-related anagrams. Back on June 24, some poor sap had to spend time scrambling the words "Democratic National Convention," coming up with "Motivational Dancer Connection," "Naval Determination Concoction," "Cattlemen Accordion Innovation" and "Conventional Raccoon Intimated."

The horror... the horror...

Then again, brain-deadening filler like this is frankly preferable to a lot of the convention stuff the Rocky's been running lately, including endless puff pieces about the greening of the event. For instance, this one focuses on the Pepsi Center podium, which is entirely recyclable -- just like the article itself, which should have been put in the bin before it ever saw print.

Tanked, anyone? Or just wish you were? -- Michael Roberts

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Michael Roberts has written for Westword since October 1990, serving stints as music editor and media columnist. He currently covers everything from breaking news and politics to sports and stories that defy categorization.
Contact: Michael Roberts