Over the years, Westword has featured plenty of stories about crimes solved by DNA found in unlikely places.
Take the cigarette butt that led to the killer of Kurt Levias at the Bluebird Theater.
But never before have we encountered a shittier DNA case than the one involving Rodney Hendrix, who was recently busted for a crime committed last year thanks to "fecal matter" on a pair of shorts he left behind.
If ever there was a tale (tail?) made for our Schmuck of the Week category, it's this one.
The details come from an arrest affidavit on view below.
According to the document, the Denver Cooperative Preschool, 480 Marion Street, and the nearby Community of Christ Church, at the same address, were burglarized on August 19, 2014.
Two electric guitars were lifted from the church, while assorted electronic items vanished from the school.
The value of the theft was estimated at just over $4,000.
The thief didn't take without giving, however. A detective assigned to the case was informed that after the crime, a pair of shorts spotted with human waste were found in a restroom at the school.
The shorts didn't belong to a staff member, leading investigators to surmise that they'd once covered the can of the burglar. Hence, they were submitted for DNA testing.
Getting the results took a while — over a year, in fact. But on September 30 of this year, the crime lab scored a hit with someone whose DNA was already in the system: Rodney Hendrix.
The suspect wasn't tough to track down: Hendrix was already in custody on unrelated theft and drug beefs.
Now, the Denver District Attorney's Office has formally smacked Hendrix with two counts apiece of burglary and theft, plus an identity theft accusation. He'll be formally advised of the charges against him on October 16.
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A little refresher course on hygiene has yet to be scheduled, but it definitely couldn't hurt.
Here's Hendrix's booking photo, followed by the arrest affidavit.