When 20-year-old Leo Beitz visited an old friend in Boulder last weekend, they did what old friends do: Went out. Got drunk. Came home. Played video games. But at some point in the night, Beitz, for reasons that remain unclear, did some things old friends usually don't do: Grabbed a knife. Stuck it in a guy's belly.
The stabbing occurred after a long night of drinking, witnesses and Beitz told police, according to the Daily Camera. But that's where the stories part ways.
John Schaefer, Beitz's friend from back home in Illinois, told police that Beitz has anger problems, and that he became engaged that night. He grabbed a knife from the kitchen and, despite Schaefer's efforts to calm him, stormed into a bedroom to find Schaefer's roommate, 21-year-old CU student Parker Chase Rolles.
According to Blake Floreani, who was in that room with Rolles, Beitz came into the room with the knife. He didn't see the stabbing, but Rolles was suddenly screaming and bleeding.
But those witness reports vary a bit from Beitz's version. He told police that after a long night of drinking, the men decided to act out scenes from Robin Hood: Men in Tights. For a sword, Beitz said, he chose a kitchen knife, which he stuck in his back pocket for safe-keeping. When the men started rough-housing -- because apparently there was rough-housing in Men in Tights? -- Rolles accidentally got stuck.
It's believed that police are suspicious of Beitz's story because no one has seen Men in Tights since 1999. Forensic experts say "he really should have gone with Fight Club, or maybe Bad Boys II. That was a really underrated sequel."
According to the Camera's report, Beitz has been charged with first-degree assault for the stabbing. He also faces charges for obstruction and third-degree assault on a police officer, for allegedly head-butting a cop.
Yeah, Fight Club really would have been a better pick, Leo.
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