Schmuck of the Week

Tammy Theis, state rep candidate, has shmucky explanations for shoplifting and more

How did Tammy Theis commemorate the day she officially became a candidate for House District 58? With a citation for shoplifting from a Montrose grocery store.

Theis admits having taken the items in question -- by accident, she insists. She has an explanation for a previous run-in with the law, too. And in answer to your unasked question: At this writing, she's yet to drop out of the race.

On September 6, according to the Grand Junction Daily Sentinel, Theis was stopped by security while exiting a City Market store in Montrose. She told the paper she'd put a number of items in an empty box below the cart's main basket, but then put two cases of bottled water on top of them and forgot what was underneath when it came time to pay. She'd been collecting boxes to help her father move into an assisted living center, she added.

Theis was issued a summons on suspicion of theft less than $500, yet her explanation sounds plausible -- maybe because she's had some practice coming up with excuses for breaking the law. In November, the Sentinel reports, she was cited for driving under the influence of alcohol, having an open container and weaving in traffic.

Her erratic driving was affected by painkillers she was on, she told the paper; she'd recently had surgery. But she'd mixed this medication with beer, which she conceded was poor judgment she acknowledged by eventually pleading guilty to a single count of driving while ability impaired. In her words, "It's just another example that I am human."

No denying that. But whether other humans will vote for her despite her two recent adventures is quite another question.

More from our Shmuck of the Week archive: "Charles Bush busted for allegedly stealing his neighbor's sex toys."

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