Disgraced pastor turned media whore Ted Haggard has agreed to appear on Celebrity Wife Swap -- and will trade significant others with Gary Busey. And no, this isn't a post from The Onion. Having failed with his own reality-show attempt, Hag's apparently now open to all comers, as it were. But where will he turn up after the swapping is through? Here's five possibilities.
5. Survivor If Denver medical marijuana dispensary owner Jim Rice can make the cast, why not Haggard?
4. X-Factor Simon Cowell's new singing-competition show doesn't have an upper-age limit for contestants -- and no one loves the spotlight more than Teddy Boy.
3. Big Brother Imagine the drama as Haggard tries to resist his secret urges while living in close proximity to skanks of both sexes. Although viewers might not be thrilled by the sight of him wearing a Speedo in the hot tub.
2. Celebrity Apprentice Who better to tempt Haggard toward the even darker side than Donald Trump? Maybe Busey, his Celebrity Wife Swap buddy (and Celebrity Apprentice vet), could put in a good word for him!
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1. Celebrity Rehab Yet another way to follow in Busey's footsteps! And while Haggard has supposedly kept his taste for meth at bay in recent years, he's clearly an attention addict. Dr. Drew Pinsky probably can't pry that monkey off his back -- but it'd be heavenly to watch him try.
More from our Follow That Story archive: "Ted Haggard in GQ: Masturbation by male escort isn't "sex sex," he'd be bisexual if younger."