Ten Types of Vaccinated Denver People Still Wearing Masks

Photo by Ani Kolleshi on Unsplash
Shortly after both the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the State of Colorado announced that vaccinated people could forgo COVID-19 mask use in most places, we published "Ten Types of Unvaccinated Denver Mask Liars," in which we speculated about the kinds of un-immunized Coloradans who were supposed to still be donning facial coverings — but weren't.

Potential membership in this group remains large. According to the June 14 numbers for Colorado on the New York Times COVID-19 vaccine tracker, 32 percent of adults age eighteen and over in the state have yet to receive a single dose, and 41 percent aren't yet fully protected against the novel coronavirus.

Nonetheless, around 80 percent of the customers at most metro Denver stores we've visited over the past few weeks have been unmasked. Meanwhile, many of those whose faces were covered fall into demographic groups in which vaccinations are widespread. In other words, plenty of folks who are supposed to still be wearing masks aren't, and many who have official permission to leave them off are keeping them on.

What kinds of vaccinated Coloradans are still wearing masks? Our ten best guesses:

1. The Contrarian
If everybody else is doing something, the Contrarian will damn well do the exact opposite. Take that, status quo!

2. The Fashion Plate
Some people bought masks in every color of the rainbow, to match each outfit they own — and they're sure as hell not going to let them go to waste.

3. The Conspiracist
The government lies about everything, right? So you can bet it's lying about it being safe to go without masks — and even if the reasons make no sense, they'd definitely shock you!

4. The Insecure Liberal
There's nothing worse for the Insecure Liberal than being mistaken for a Republican.

5. The Bad Skin Catch 22 Victim
Wearing masks has given the Bad Skin Victim a terrible case of acne around the mouth — and the only way to hide it is to keep wearing masks.

6. The Paranoid
Only a tiny percentage of vaccinated people catch COVID-19, and most of the cases are mild — but that tiny percentage has the Paranoid written all over it.

7. The Good Example
If the Good Example is still wearing a mask, it should make everyone realize it's still a good idea — except that it doesn't.

8. The Insulter
Wearing a mask lets you mutter rude comments about people and then pretend it wasn't you. Win-win!

9. The Armed Robber
Give me all your money — and be grateful I was looking out for your well-being when I took it.

click to enlarge
Photo by Michael Roberts
10. Me
Although lately, I've been inching closer to the fence.
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Michael Roberts has written for Westword since October 1990, serving stints as music editor and media columnist. He currently covers everything from breaking news and politics to sports and stories that defy categorization.
Contact: Michael Roberts