In the name of all that is holy, do not search "Denver" on Urbandictionary.com. Most of what you'll find -- and what we did find -- are what we'll simply call very open-minded sexual acts, but that is a different list entirely. Instead, Westword did the dirty (dirty) work for you, delving into the depths of the Internet to uncover the semi-serious slang site's greatest (and strangest) tributes to our fair city's name. Ed note: We sincerely hope that not all of these are real things. You'll see why. 10. Denver air Urban Dictionary definition: "When someone is acting strange, showing odd behavior that is unlike themself. Caused from the effects (of) high altitude found in such cities as Denver, Colorado." Westword example: "Did you see Korn's lead singer huff out of an oxygen tank on stage? Must be the Denver air!" 9. Denver Nugget Urban Dictionary definition: "A salacious prank intended in the same spirit as an Upper Decker in which the perpetrator uses the restroom and proceeds to wipe himself with a nearby washcloth or decorative towel in attempts to clog the toilet and leave a messy surprise for the owner." Westword example: "In his narration of the inner circles of hell, Dante somehow neglected to mention that the 'Denver Nugget' is apparently a thing." Page down to continue reading our ten weird Denver definitions in the Urban Dictionary. 8. Denver sandwich Urban Dictionary definition: "A Dr. Pepper or Mr. Pibb (preferred) and a Snickers bar. Generally munched after catching a major cannabis buzz." Westword example: "Although the green calmed his stomach, all those Denver sandwiches did not." Note: The word "sandwich" is applied loosely. 7. Denver brownie Urban Dictionary definition: "Affectionately taking a dump on the windshield of a lover's car." Westword example: "Revenge is best served warm -- in a Denver brownie." Page down to continue reading our ten weird Denver definitions in the Urban Dictionary. 6. Denverism Urban Dictionary definition: "1) One of many completely useless, mind-numbing, tactics that are meant to deceive or misguide your peers of the present situation. 2) To come up with a load of bullshit that sounds so convincing that everyone in your workplace will be distracted of the fact you haven't done anything work related in days." Westword example: "Twenty Denverisms later, I realized we were no longer arguing about his cat." 5. Denver chili bowl Urban Dictionary definition: "An involuntary circumstance involving glorified Super Bowl hype and ingesting 3 times more chili than a family of 5. This usually results in Monday morning office shit so stinky that your coworkers voluntarily move offices to get away from the bathroom 67 feet down the hall." Westword example: "After my Denver chili bowl experience, I will never be able to Tebow again." Page down to continue reading our ten weird Denver definitions in the Urban Dictionary. 4. Denvered Urban Dictionary definition: "To have something you love taken away, ruined, or otherwise changed since moving to Denver." Westword example: "Since moving from St. Louis to Colorado, I've been seriously Denvered out of some Trader Joe's." 3. Denver airport Urban Dictionary definition: "1) A large hub airport in Colorado famous for being far from the city of Denver itself and trapping helpless passengers for days at a time. 2) A sleepless hell-vortex near Colorado prone to ill weather and cranky travelers." Westword example: "Not even Buffy the vampire slayer could handle the creatures who frequent the Denver airport." See also: Denver delay. Page down to continue reading our ten weird Denver definitions in the Urban Dictionary. 2. Denver delay Urban Dictionary definition: "The inevitable delay that will always occur during layovers at Denver International Airport." Westword example: "I'm sorry to have to miss your New Year's party, but you know what Denver delay's like. How about New Year's 2013?" 1. Denver Urban Dictionary definition: "One of the best cities ever! Some of you guys who don't like Denver have only experienced the lame people. Which, yeah, there is a fare share of lame people, but that's just like any other city. Once you get past the lame asses you will meet some of the chillest and most unique people. Maybe ever thought the reason people drive so slow is that they are high? Colorado weed is the shit! Every city has their problems so stop baggin' on Denver! And who ever said Denver was a party city? That doesn't make it any less cool.If you truly hate Denver then I am thinking you aren't even chill enough to be here." Westword example: This dude/lady said it all. Forget Mayor Hancock's "world-class city where everyone matters" motto, and let's focus on this.
Bonus round: Try to use all of these phrases in the same paragraph; then reflect on the quality and purpose of your life.