The Straight-Talk Express Goes to Utah. And Europe.

The Salt Lake City Tribune is reporting that John McCain will stop in Utah on March 27 to raise funds for his upcoming GOP presidential run. He was trounced there by Mitt Romney 90-5 percent in the state’s primary on Super Tuesday, but what a difference two months makes: McCain has now sewn up the Republican nod and Romney, long having retired his own campaign, is falling all over himself to be McCain’s VP. Chatting it up with Sean Hannity, Romney noted, "I think any Republican leader in this country would be honored to be asked to serve as the vice presidential nominee, myself included.”

They say opposites can attract on a presidential ticket, and if you’re looking to balance the GOP offering this year, look no further than McCain/Romney. Where McCain is stubborn, Romney appeases. Where Romney is Grand Ol’ Party handsome and boyish, McCain is old and crusty. When McCain was in a POW camp, learning foreign policy in the most extreme sense, Romney was prepping himself with economic theory to run companies of vast wealth.

And talk about the states you could carry: Mitt’s father George was governor of Michigan, which puts that Dem state into play, and Mitt served Massachusetts, meaning they’ll probably break with their 300-year-old tradition of die-hard, Tea-Party, Ted Kennedy liberalism to vote for a one-term governor with fair-to-poor approval ratings. And it certainly would be a coup to see if they could improve on that 71 percent Republican vote that Bush received in Utah in 2004. You never can tell when the most conservative state in the union might tilt to those blue-voting swine.

But McCain and his handlers have to be careful. Before Utah (LSD Church Mormons), McCain is off to Europe and the Mideast -- visiting Britain (irreligious drunkards), France (Catholic socialists), and Israel (Jews), all the while hitting on his favorite targets: Afghanistan and Iraq (Muslims) and Barack and Hillary (commies). Make sure all of those itineraries stay in their right folders, folks. John McCain might be a plain speaker, but there are some sharp corners coming on the Straight Talk Express. ---Joe Horton

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Patricia Calhoun co-founded Westword in 1977; she’s been the editor ever since. She’s a regular on the weekly CPT12 roundtable Colorado Inside Out, played a real journalist in John Sayles’s Silver City, once interviewed President Bill Clinton while wearing flip-flops, and has been honored with numerous national awards for her columns and feature-writing.
Contact: Patricia Calhoun