Right now, the FBI is on the lookout for a woman accused of robbing five banks in the metro Denver area wearing an ultra-ugly hairpiece.
Hence the nickname bestowed upon her by the Rocky Mountain Safe Streets Task Force: The Wicked Wig of the West.
The bandit nickname is a task-force tradition we've celebrated often over the years. With that in mind, we present not just one Schmuck of the Week, but a whole slew of them, by way of the ten monikers that belong in the Crazy Bandit Name Hall of Fame.
See our ten faves below. In the meantime, if you have any information about the Wicked Wig of the West, you're encouraged to contact Metro Denver Crimestoppers at 720-913-STOP (7867). The reward for information leading to her arrest and conviction has risen to $7,000.
Number 10: The Panty Bandit
The Panty Bandit terrorized the underwear drawers of northwest Denver residents for years, starting in 2003.
Finally, in June 2008, a pair of Denver police detectives set up what was described as "a plan of action, which started with conducting a thorough neighborhood survey of a six-block radius around the victims' residences. On 06-12-07, while conducting the survey, they made contact with a Carlos Vigil.... His mannerisms and information he provided to the detectives led them to believe that he was somehow involved with the burglaries."
Number 9: The Bad Hatter Bandit
On June 1, 2010, members of the task force arrested Debra Flamio on suspicion of robbing a TCF Bank on University Boulevard, as well two others in the vicinity.
We think you can probably guess how she got her nickname....
Number 8: The $83 Bandit
We first reported about the $83 Bandit — so named because his crimes "often included odd numbers that have the numeral 3 in them" — in 2009.
In February of the following year, Frank Lewis was arrested in connection with his crimes: fourteen of them, according to the FBI.
His number was up.
Number 7: The Hoppin' Hooded Bandits
The Rocky Mountain Safe Streets Task Force alerted the public to three memorable bank jobs committed on December 2, December 9 and December 15 of 2010 by men dubbed the Hoppin' Hooded Bandits, because of their proclivity for jumping over counters to collect their booty.
They were subsequently identified by authorities as Joshua Licona and Timothy McGlothin.
Number 6: The Shaggy Bandit
The Shaggy Bandit was named "because of his resemblance to a cartoon character from the show Scooby-Doo," the Safe Streets Task Force revealed.
But Christopher Lee Richardson, the man ultimately accused of Shaggy-ness, was no slacker. A criminal complaint lodged against him circa September 2009 suggested that he may have committed as many as seventeen bank robberies in four states.
Continue to keep counting down the ten individuals in our Crazy Bandit Name Hall of Fame.
Number 5: The Portfolio Bandit
In May, 2010, the Portfolio Bandit, who carried his notes in, yes, a portfolio, allegedly robbed a US Bank in Westminster — and the task force said he was a suspect in as many as twelve other heists in the Denver area.
Number 4: The Limping Latex Bandit
In April 2010, a man who limped and wore latex gloves robbed a Colorado State Bank on the 15400 block of East Hampden Avenue.
After the crime, at least one witness observed a dye-pack explode inside the suspect's getaway vehicle.
He was subsequently identified as Merle Allison. Boom!
Number 3: The Pink Thong Bandit
Beginning in 2012, a man known alternately as the Thong Bandit and the Pink Thong Bandit terrorized people in the Sloan's Lake neighborhood.
He started out fully clothed, but eventually stripped down to a thong, at which point he exposed himself and masturbated in full view of anyone in the area.
Disgusting — and it went on for three years. Finally, in May 2015, Gary Miller Jr. was exposed in a very different way, by being accused of being the bandit.
Number 2: The Super Freak Bandit
He wasn't Rick James, bitch. He was the Super Freak Bandit, who robbed five banks — sometimes wearing a jheri-curl-type wig.
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The Wicked Wig of the West has got nothing on him.
The most tortured nickname of the batch was bequeathed because this particular bandit allegedly robbed a bank once a year.
He was later identified as Shaun Michael Gay, 23. His arrest no doubt played havoc with his schedule.