-Back-up set of George Washington’s false teeth with MO DOLLAZ spelled out in diamonds. -Thomas Jefferson’s Monticello fuck swing. -Renderings of Andrew Jackson’s stomach tattoo: Words “Old Hickory” and arrow to where sun don’t shine. -Menagerie of stuffed birds and small mammals found trapped in Martin Van Buren’s sideburns. -William Henry Harrison’s 32nd day-in-office journal entry. (Snap! Because he died after 31 days in office! Oh, don’t think we won’t go there, bitches!) -Lithograph of Abraham Lincoln dunking over Jefferson Davis, misplaced after inaugural Yankee/Rebel Charity Pick-Up Game. -William Howard Taft’s wide-bottom, personally-contoured chamber pot. -Original transcript of famous JFK speech in which he implores Americans to “Ask not what your country can do for you, ask how you can afford not to buy a new pair of quality Michelin tires?” -Lyndon B. Johnson’s prized '45 of puppies barking “Jingle Bells.” -Section of Watergate tapes where Nixon tries his hand at beatboxing. -Draft of the Ronald Reagan cookbook: 100 Delicious Stem Cell Recipes! -Recording of dramatic confrontation between George H.W. Bush and George W.: Go fix me a turkey pot pie. No dad, what about you? Fuck you. No dad, what about you? Fuck you. Dad, what about you? Fuck you. -Drawings of Barack Obama’s alternative faux presidential seal: Apple logo next to word, “iBama.” -XXL T-shirt worn by Bill Clinton that reads, “Don’t blame me, she’s the President!” -- The Westword Convention Team