Top five (fake) iPhone apps that would inspire us to camp out for the latest upgrade

Last night and this morning, thousands of people across the nation roughed it outside Apple stores to be among the first, well, thousands of people to poke the touchpad of the new iPhone 4.

What's so great about this new doo-hickey? It has a camera, it's skinnier and it lasts longer without needing to be plugged in. While those features might make the iPhone 4 a good husband, they don't inspire us to sleep on the sidewalk overnight.

But maybe if there was an app that promised to drive the entire ten hours to our parents' house for Christmas while we slept in the passenger seat...

Here, a list of five apps that might -- just might -- have inspired us to get in line.

5. An app with the power to summon vampires to kick ass when we say so.

4. An app that would magically subtract all the calories from Reese's peanut butter cups.

3. An app that would make parking tickets disappear.

2. An app that would stop airlines from charging $15 friggin' dollars to check a bag.

1. An app that would make the radio fast forward through all the boring songs.

Oh, wait. Apple already invented that. Dammit! Foiled again!

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Melanie Asmar is a staff writer for Westword. She joined the paper in 2009 and has won awards for her stories about education, immigration and epic legal battles. Got a tip? She'd love to hear it.
Contact: Melanie Asmar