Transplant Who Didn't Move Here for Pot Tells Elitist Natives to "Eat a Buffet of Dicks"

The flow of people moving to Colorado continues unabated, setting up a conflict between transplants and natives.

Moreover, a lot of those born in Colorado who resent the influx believe the reason behind it is legal marijuana.

Against this backdrop comes a recent post on Denver Craigslist from a new resident who doesn't smoke pot — and who says poor treatment from natives has made his efforts to fit in much more difficult than he could have ever expected.

So much so that he'd like to serve the next "elitist" native who attacks him a very special meal: a "buffet of dicks."

It's a passionate statement likely to resonate with Coloradans of all types, no matter how long they've lived here. Check it out below.

Native "Elites"

Yeah, I moved here post-weed bill. Guess what I don't do? Smoke weed.

I'll let you elitist fucks take a minute to let that soak in. I moved to Colorado AFTER weed was legal and it wasn't to smoke weed.

I have been turned down for second dates, denied service, and judged on a daily basis because I'm not a native. Big fucking deal. Never before have I seen this type of behavior. I feel like I'm in a state of constant quarantine. I came here because my hobbies didn't line up with my home state. I came here to climb mountains, enjoy quality backpacking, see new things and meet new people.

You know what I didn't come here for? To be berated into spending my nights alone and being overall bummed out because every native I meet just assumes that I'm some transient pothead loser.

And yeah, I get it. Most of the transplants I meet here are literally the dingleberries of society. But please quit lumping me in with these turds so that I can actually start living here.

The next native elitist to come at me for pursuing my dreams here in this beautiful state can save some breath and eat a buffet of dicks instead.

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Michael Roberts has written for Westword since October 1990, serving stints as music editor and media columnist. He currently covers everything from breaking news and politics to sports and stories that defy categorization.
Contact: Michael Roberts