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Update: Ambulance-Stealing CSU Student Was on Molly, Masturbated at Police Station?

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Update: The story of Stefan Sortland's arrest, spelled out in our original post and an update on view below, just keeps getting stranger. Now, reports suggest that he was on molly at the time of his arrest (not Adderall, which he had in his possession) following a Halloween concert. Moreover, he's said to have "stood on a bench, kicked the wall, and masturbated" at the Loveland Police Station after he'd crashed a stolen ambulance. Whew! See our previous coverage below.

See also: Dustin Guinn Steals, Crashes Police Car -- But Saves Family From Disaster

Update, 10:40 a.m. November 6: The legal troubles facing eighteen-year-old CSU student Stefan Sortland have gotten worse. He'd previously been accused of stealing an ambulance and taking it on a joy ride, possibly under the influence of Adderall; see our previous coverage below. Now, however, law enforcers say he assaulted not one but two deputies while in jail.

According to the Larimer County Sheriff's Office, a couple of deputies brought a meal to Sortland when he was stewing in a holding cell. When they opened the door, however, Sortland is said to have punched one deputy in the face "causing a concussion and facial swelling," the LCSO maintains. In addition, a second deputy reportedly "sustained an abrasion and finger sprain" during attempts to bring the teen under control.

As a result, additional criminal counts are being sought against Sortland -- specifically second-degree assault, a felony, and third-degree assault, a misdemeanor.

Continue for our previous coverage.

Original post, 5:36 a.m. November 4: All of us have done stupid things during our teen years that we wish we could take back -- even, we feel quite certain, potential employers of eighteen-year-old CSU student Stefan Sortland. That's why we encourage them to read the following account of a bizarre joy ride in a stolen ambulance with an understanding eye, then hire him with confidence, knowing that he's worked the wackiness out of his system.

Because what happened is wacky indeed. Here's the story.

According to the Fort Collins Coloradoan, whose article you should really check out, an ambulance headed to CSU's Academic Village at 1:47 a.m. on Sunday, November 2, on a medical call -- and when emergency personnel returned with the patient just shy of half an hour later, the vehicle was gone.

By the way, another ambulance picked up the patient, who's fine.

Figuring out the whereabouts of the missing ride wasn't difficult: It was outfitted with a GPS tracking system that allowed police to track it to an area near the intersection of Highway 34 and Boyd Lake Road in Loveland.

The ambulance's stop appeared to have been aided by crashing into a sign, the Coloradoan notes.

Sortland is said to have been found standing near the ambulance wearing an EMT safety vest. He subsequently began walking toward the officers with his arms full, and when he didn't follow orders to drop the items he carried, the cops used a stun gun on him.

The reported items? A blanket and a box of Wheat Thins.

A short time later, Sortland is said to have explained his theft of the ambulance by saying he had been "following the bright lights and other ramblings which were not relevant to the incident at hand," the police report maintains. He's also quoted as revealing that he'd smashed the window of a sedan before snagging the ambulance, and allegedly did the same to a different car after he'd come to a halt.

Oh yeah: Cops found an Adderall pill on Sortland --medication for which he didn't have a prescription.

The suspected charges against Sortland, who's next due in court on Friday, include aggravated vehicle theft, obstructing EMS, reckless driving, hit-and-run and, perhaps most appropriately, criminal mischief.

Here's a look at his booking photo.

Send your story tips to the author, Michael Roberts.

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