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What state's drivers should you fear most in a snowstorm?

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If you're not a student lucky enough to have a snow day, or a grown-up who's wisely decided to stay home and watch movies, you've either already been on the roads during today's storm or you're about to venture out onto them. And while Colorado drivers can present their own issues, out-of-staters rightly strike terror in many locals' hearts -- especially if they're from certain select locations. Here are our top five danger plates:

5. Hawaii. Plenty of Hawaiians have never seen snow, and they're apt to be fascinated by it, watching the falling flakes with the innocence of a child. But it's hard to appreciate the wonder-filled expression on a person's face when he's t-boning you. 4. Florida. Drivers from Florida are apt to be distracted by shivering because they're wearing shorts as they nurse a frosty beverage and rock out to Jimmy Buffett cranked to the pain threshold. Of course, Jimmy Buffett can cause pain even when played at low volumes, but that's another story. 3. Arizona. Accustomed to driving at excessive speeds along sun-scorched asphalt and braking only when the animal that moves in front of them on the road is cow-sized or larger. Likely to be seen spinning on snowy roads like a roadrunner with an inner-ear condition. 2. Montana. Unlike residents of the above three states, Montanas have experience driving in snow -- but plenty of them think that knowledge makes them immune from every physical law -- including the one that pertains to an SUV not stopping on a dime on black ice. Hummers can be fun, but not when they're turning your Kia into a speed bump. 1. Texas. The aggressive driving that typifies Texans can be a pain in the ass on nice days. When the snow's falling, it turns into terror behind the wheel, Lone Star-style. If you spot a car with these plates in your rear-view mirror, you'll probably be seeing red-and-blue flashing lights a few minutes later.

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Join the Westword community and help support independent local journalism in Denver.


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