All I want for Christmas is...a Jesus toaster! Yeah, Jesus toast! (VIDEO) | Cafe Society | Denver | Denver Westword | The Leading Independent News Source in Denver, Colorado
Navigation

All I want for Christmas is...a Jesus toaster! Yeah, Jesus toast! (VIDEO)

Oh. My. God. It's a freakin' miracle! No, really, now you can have your daily bread with -- holy crap -- Jesus! All while chugging down your morning jolts of java with a side of Lucky Charms. This is not a gag gift, people. No, we're talking about a genuine...
Share this:
Oh. My. God. It's a freakin' miracle! No, really, now you can have your daily bread with -- holy crap -- Jesus! All while chugging down your morning jolts of java with a side of Lucky Charms.

This is not a gag gift, people. No, we're talking about a genuine toaster that sears Jesus's image onto your wheat, rye or white, and it's the invention of Galen Dively, an entrepreneurial fellow who lives in Walden, Vermont and hustles customized toasters, including the Jesus toaster, equipped with seven different heat settings and a "convenient clean-out tray." If this is what you'd like Santa to park under your tree this year, they sell for $31.95, including shipping. Lord, have mercy. Interestingly, Dively also pimps a pot toaster and a peace sign toaster.

But it's the Jesus one that really caught our attention, and it caught the attention, too, of one of those creative types, who uploaded a Youtube video, complete with the likeness of George Walker Bush thumping the toaster with his thumb and rapping lyrics like this: "Spread the love of Jesus with your favorite kind of jam, if you're gonna follow him, you can even eat a little ham."

Watch. And pray.

BEFORE YOU GO...
Can you help us continue to share our stories? Since the beginning, Westword has been defined as the free, independent voice of Denver — and we'd like to keep it that way. Our members allow us to continue offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food, and culture with no paywalls.