Tomorrow is April 20, which means that you are smoking your "4/20 Eve" stash today in preparation for smoking even more tomorrow. In order to properly pay homage to this greenest of green holidays, you should stay hydrated, stay stoned -- and keep the munchies fed with the best possible eats if you are cruising fast-food restaurants for fuel. The well-stoned palate is not particularly difficult to please, but there are definitely some foods that will stimulate THC taste buds better than others. So in advance of this year's 4/20 celebration, here are five fast-food meals to stimulate your 4/20 palate.
5. The footlong quarter-pound cheese Coney from Sonic Start the glorious day of celebration by getting high, then daydream about a juicy, plump footlong hot dog slathered with tepid, greasy chili, topped with melty cheddar cheese and crisp bits of diced white onion, and flanked with dill pickle chips, all encased in a soft, smooshy white bun. Go to Sonic, get this (and also some tots and a Route 44 blue coconut slush), eat/drink all of it, then get high again for dessert. 4. The jumbo breakfast platter at Jack in the Box The 4/20 holiday is 24 hours of smoking during daylight and nighttime, and Jack in the Box is obviously supportive with a 24-hour menu so that you can -- and should -- get breakfast anytime. After a couple of bowls, it'll be hard to decide what part of breakfast sounds best -- sweet, savory, bacony? -- so just order the jumbo breakfast platter with scrambled eggs, hash browns, eight mini pancakes, and your choice of country grilled sausage or two slices of bacon. And if you still gots the munch, order a sourdough cheesesteak melt, strawberry shake, a couple of Jack's terrible tacos, and a chocolate overload cake, and wash it all down with an order of mini-churros. 3. The baked spaghetti at Fazoli's Baked spaghetti can be a bit confusing to eat when you've been hitting the really good weed, but treat it like a fun game of "Find the Pasta Under the Thick Blanket of Molten Mozzarella!" Seriously -- excavating for noodles in tomato sauce takes just the right amount of concentration and produces delicious rewards. Definitely choose the dine-in option at Fazoli's, because you can sit your stoned-up ass in a booth for hours playing games on your phone and eating free breadsticks.
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2. The orange chicken at Panda Express Get really high, then Google "Hunan-style chicken recipes." Okay, don't do that -- don't even attempt to think about trying to cook anything. Instead, go to the nearest Panda Express and order the orange chicken: cheap like couch change, turbo-tasty with boneless chicken bites battered and wok-ed with spicy-sweet orange sauce over rice if you wanna keep it uncomplicated, or noodles if you don't. Another couple of bong hits and some extra fortune cookies also mean that you get to round out the day's festivities with a rousing game of "...in bed," which is also way funnier when mixed with marijuana. 1. Cool Ranch Doritos Tacos Locos at Taco Bell These new tacos are the absolute best stoner fast-food ever created. They have the same orange-dripping mostly-meat that the Bell is famous for, the same puffs of iceberg lettuce shreds, the same sprinkle of cheese, the same blops of sour cream and easy-to-shake-loose tomato nibbets, but the one thing that makes them different is the most important thing in the entire universe to people who have been getting high all day: The taco shells are big-ass Cool Ranch Doritos chips, man. It's like eating a giant Doritos nacho, and the new pina colada Fruitista Freeze tastes like sweet, frozen heaven from Taco Hell. Taco Bell food is okay when you're straight, better when you've been drinking, and after a long day -- and night -- of making smoky offering to the weed gods, that shit tastes like Jesus handed it to you from a cloud....of pot smoke.