When the lights come on, and the only thing separating you from Hammered Enough to Want Taco Bell is one last shot, it's good to have a plan. Hesitate, and risk the bartender reneging on his gracious offer to tack fifty more dollars on your tab. But: Know what you want ahead of time, and the night will be yours. (By "yours," of course, we mean "spent puking in your PS3 after mistaking it for your roommate's trash can.")
So: Ten last-call shots, and what they'll help you accomplish.
Bonus! We put the photos above the shot names to give you a chance to guess what they are from the pictures. Guess all ten correctly and we'll be your next AA sponsor!
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1. Shot: Kamikaze What It's Good For: Easy to take down after a long night of jousting with your liver, it's perfect for sending an otherwise dull night teetering over the edge, drastically increasing the odds of something awesome happening on the walk home -- possibly hooking up with a stranger, but more likely fighting a stranger's boyfriend. Always amusing. 2. Shot: Washington Apple What It's Good For: Convincing a crew of sorority girls from the nearby Catholic school to come back to your apartment to "watch Zoolander," only to discover upon their arrival that they actually want to watch Zoolander. 3. Shot: Jameson What It's Good For: Engaging in a prolonged but jolly light saber battle with a hobo outside the bar, while your friends lay bets on the winner and remark on the hobo's "tight choreography." 4. Shot: Tequila What It's Good For: Entering a plea of no contest to a variety of charges, including, but not limited to, drunk driving, battery of a peace officer, public indecency, and vandalism, presuming they still count peeing through the bars of the drunk tank as vandalism. 5. Shot: Jager Bomb What It's Good For: Perfect for groups of 25 or more -- you're welcome, bartender! -- the Jager bomb should be used for the express purpose of staying up three hours to debate the potential real-life applications of teleportation, i.e. how it might affect the war in Afghanistan or, way more importantly, the Broncos' third-down defense. Said debate should be followed by two hours of twitching sleep and 17 days of extreme constipation.
6. Shot: Buttery Nipple What It's Good For: Further promoting the idea that you're so nonthreatening, so not trying to hook up, that it's totally cool if you and the lass you're courting sleep in the same bed tonight, even though you both have significant others and you may or may not have chlamydia. Alternative use: ice-cream topping. 7. Shot: Irish Car Bomb What It's Good For: Making a mess, mostly. However! It will also really piss off the bartender if ordered at last call, since they're a pain in the ass to make. But! All that aside, if you want to get so hammered you try to hail a cop car -- and then get pissed said cop won't turn his meter on -- one or two of these should do the trick. 8. Shot: Quick Fuck What It's Good For: See the name? Three or four of these in the hour before last call should help you avoid being described as such. Seven or eight will make you go numb from the waste down, which is not as useful but could be pretty fun. 9. Shot: Lemon Drop What It's Good For: Another 2 a.m. go-to, the Lemon Drop is really good if you're trying to get just drunk enough to approach the object of your trashed desire, but not quite drunk enough to say anything once you get there. It's also good if you have a facial tick, since everyone who drinks one looks like they're having a seizure. 10. Shot: Red Headed Slut What It's Good For: Screwing with certain red heads' emotions.