The sh*t-show that’s the parking lot at Whole Foods (video)

I’ve been driving — and parking — for dozens of years in dozens of cities around the world, and aside from the time I had to drive a monstrosity of a Volvo wagon down the narrowest street in a tiny English village, the stress of which ultimately forced me to abandon the car entirely, I’ve never experienced anything like the shit-show that is the parking lot of the Cherry Creek Whole Foods — singularly the worst parking lot in the city, especially during the holidays.

I was there yesterday afternoon, in fact, to pick up some Honeycrisp apples, pretzel rolls, shrimp spring rolls, coffee, half-and-half and a stinky Époisses de Bourgogne, and in between idiots driving down the parking lanes the wrong way, careening carts doubling as bumper cars, a gentleman who clearly believed that driving a Lexus entitled him to two spots rather than one, and several other muttonheads vying for the same parking wedge — and refusing to budge — I spent far more time in that stupid parking lot than I did in the actual store.

There are others who share my pain, including a guy who compiled a four-minute music video of a Whole Foods parking lot in Los Angeles, which is one of the most hilarious things I’ve ever seen. Really, you gotta watch this.

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