Chik-fil-A always seems to be in the news for something: This month, Denver Chik-fil-A stores will be blessing customers with free Chick-n-Minis every Monday in November in the restaurants and the drive-throughs. It's a struggle to recall a time when Chik's wasn't shooting free food from effin' stadium cannons to lure diners into restaurants and distract attention from the company's less than awesome stance on certain social issues. And speaking of socializing, an alleged Chick-fil-A note from a manager made the rounds on social media last week outlining popular slang terms employees were banned from using while on the clock.
Here are the top five slang terms you can't use at Chik-fil-A. Some of these terms should be outlawed because they are stupid anywhere, but Chik could offer more free food with a side of humor just for kicks.
See also: The Santa Ratings: Chik-fil-A on Havana
5. "Chill" (Except when they are talking about something chilled)
Okay, so "chill" is not new. As a matter of fact, this term is reputed to have been coined in either the 1960s or the 1970s, depending on who you ask, but it seems fair to give it over to the '70s, since the '60s already introduced a shit-ton of cool terms and phrases. I'm more familiar with the elaborated term "Chill the fuck out and quit trippin', yo!" from the 1990s, but telling someone to chill should actually be allowed at Chik-fil-A because it sure beats the alternative, which is to tell co-workers or customers that freaking the hell out over some fried chicken patties and waffle fries is the epitome of "got too much."
"Got too much" in slang terms translates to: if you have enough time on your hands to turn the fried chicken patty business into a big, huge, dramatic, life-crushing deal, then you need to find a hobby or take your meds.
4. Anything with "Or naw"
"Or naw" is just an updated spin on the whole "Psyche/Not!/Not so much" phrasing that seemed to have begun in the 1980s and endured in some form to the present. This phrase seems useful in a fast-food business setting, especially at the counter where customers are traditionally asked if they would like fries with that, or some other attempt at upselling. Customers could be afforded the luxury of choice, by the employees asking, "So, would you care for a side of our chicken tortilla soup or a fresh fruit cup with that greasy, salty, colon-blasting chicken sandwich, Sir/M'aam?--or naw?"
Chik-fil-A management could use slang to connect on a personal level with their younger employees as well, making them feel understood --not judged -- and important to the company's well-being and prosperity. Or naw.
3. "On fleek"
If it wasn't for Urban Dictionary, I swear to Steve Buscemi that I would never know what the kids these days are on about. Between the clothes, the hairstyles, the weird, loud music and wanting the kids to stay off my lawn, I have managed to pick up that "on fleek" is a slang terms that roughly translates to "on point." So on fleek is a flexible term for staying focused, which you'd imagine would be another useful term in the fast-food genre because if I were a manager at Chik-fil-A I'd likely use any term available -- obscure slang or not -- to keep the teen-to-twenty-five workers from obsessing about minimum wages, dorky uniforms, impatient entitled customers and the pervasive reek of chicken grease...
...and focus their energies on making sure those cookie sundaes have the proper amount of whipped topping swirled on them.
For more things not to say at Chik-Fil-A, read on.
2. "Felicia" (There is nobody there named Felicia)
This was my favorite term on the list, because it's a loose reference to one of the greatest movies ever, Friday. I Googled it a couple times to make sure that "Felicia" meant what I thought it did, and it did. In the movie, no one really cares about Felicia or wants her around, but she keeps popping up; "Bye Felicia" is code for "nobody cares enough about your ass to even know your name, so when you leave, it doesn't make any difference to anybody because nobody cared that you were around in the first place."
Are there "Felicias" that work at, or eat at Chik-fil-A every day? Probably more than the management ever suspects at any given moment during business hours.
1. "Ebola" (Stop accusing people of having ebola)
This last term is an example of appropriating an international tragedy for the purposes of humor, which isn't very nice, for sure, but have you ever met anyone between the ages of sixteen and twenty-five who wasn't an asshole about something at least part of the time? In a fast-food setting, this is probably a term you don't want bandied around, for the sake of the food, customers, staff, or anyone in the universe who has an ounce of compassion for actual ebola victims.
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SHOW ME HOW
So as much as I disagree with Chik-fil-A about 99 percent of the time (agreeing with Chik-Fil-A makes feel like I have soaked myself in a pool filled with room-temp fryer grease and I can never get clean), in this particular instance I'm gonna have to agree that "ebola" is not appropriate as a humorous attempt at slang in a business environment (such as it is) or really anywhere, ever.