4

Twinkie, twinkie, little star, here are five ways to show how good you are

^
Keep Westword Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Denver and help keep the future of Westword free.

While Michelle Obama concentrates on obesity reform, I'm focusing on the five most fat-inducing, artery-clogging concoctions ever prepared by man using the Twinkie as a not-so secret ingredient.

And they are:

1. The "Twinkie stuffed hot dog." This dog is grilled, then placed in a cut Twinkie with a large dollop of Cheez Wiz over the top.

2. For Thanksgiving, the pumpkin/Twinkie turkey mold is the perfect thing to serve the vegetarians at your table. To create this monstrosity, take a jello mold, a quart can of processed pumpkin and a gutted Twinkie, and combine.

3. If you're into mass produced "cream" filled pastries without pasties -- for example, a Hostess Cupcake, Suzy Q, or even Brian Boitano -- ghetto sushi is right up your alley. All you need is a two-pack Twinkie snack from 7/Eleven and some Gummi worms to make these delicacies.

4. Instead of taking a drunken, 2 a.m. run to Taco Bell, run for this waistline-busting, border-breaking Twinkie burrito. It's also a great winter party food -- when it's cold outside, your guests can keep warm with sides of pico de gallo and salsa.

5. Vegans have long wanted to enjoy the sensual seduction of these cream-filled delights. Well, now their wait is over with the new-age Twinkie. It's filled with so much organic goodness that even a Boulder mother would approve: organic unbleached flour, organic soy milk, filtered water, organic evaporated cane juice, canola oil, organic apple cider vinegar, organic vanilla extract, baking soda, baking powder, salt. As for the filling, that's organic confectioner's sugar, Earth Balance Buttery Sticks, organic soy milk, and Earth Balance Shortening.

Take that, Michelle Obama.

Keep Westword Free... Since we started Westword, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Denver, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Denver with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.

 

Join the Westword community and help support independent local journalism in Denver.

 

Join the Westword community and help support independent local journalism in Denver.