"Are giant bears walking through downtown Colorado Springs?" asked a nitwitted FoxNews anchor last week, after video of the dumpster-diving bruin outside of theEdelweiss German Restaurant
in Colorado Springs aired for the umpteenth time on the network. And Fox wasn't alone; the schnitzel-hunting bear became an instant celebrity around the globe, thanks to this video:
But he wasn't the first bear to drop by a Front Range restaurant this summer. Just two weeks earlier, a bear had walked into Lonigan's Saloon in Estes Park, as captured on this video:
That visit had prompted our Show and Tell blog to come up with a contest for the best "A bear walks into a bar" joke. The contenders so far:
A bear and a rabbit are both pooping in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and says, "Do you have a problem with poop sticking to your fur?" The rabbit says no, so the bear picks him up and wipes his butt with the rabbit.
A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana, and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.
The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings."
The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.
The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "We don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."
The bear, very angry now, says, "If you don't serve me a beer, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar."
The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings."
The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.
The bartender states, "Sorry, we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."
The bear says, "I'm NOT on drugs."
The bartender says, "You are now. That was a barbitchyouate!"
A bear walks into a bar. Then he sits down and orders a beer.
The bartender, amazed that this bear can actually talk, gives him a beer.
The bear says, "What do I owe you?"
The bartender stops and thinks for a moment.
"Even though this bear is smart," thinks the bartender, "he probably hasn't been in many bars."
So the bartender says, "That'll be ten dollars."
The bear forks over the money and starts drinking his beer.
After a few minutes, the bartender can't restrain his curiosity, so he walks back over to the bear and tries to strike up a conversation.
"You know, we don't get many bears in this bar."
The bear looks up from his beer and says, "Well, at ten bucks a beer, I'm not surprised."
A woman walks into a bar with a bear on a leash. A drunk at the end of the bar looks up and shouts, "Hey, you can't bring that pig in here." The woman looks snootily at the drunk and says, "This, sir, is a bear, not a pig" to which the drunk replies, "I was talking to the bear."
Have an unbearably funny joke? Post it below. The best laugh -- deadline is noon Friday -- will get a gift certificate to Lonigan's -- and it sounds like we might have to throw in some schnitzel, too.
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And the winner? C_pa04, for an ursine update on an oldie-but-a-goodie. Send C_pa04, send your e-mail address to firstname.lastname@example.org, and we'll tell you how to claim your prize.