Nowhere Boy

His biological parents didn't want him -- but to get him the help he needs, his adoptive parents must give him up.

A A A Comments (3) By Laura Bond Thursday, Dec 4 2003

For David Mallamo, fantasy has always been kinder than reality. At fifteen, with scruffy brown hair and glasses, he resembles his hero, Harry Potter -- a boy who's abused by his family but finds power and adventure in an alternate world.

Anthony Camera

A family affair: After eight years, Susan and Paul Mallamo say they can no longer care for their adopted son, David.

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Now living in his tenth home since birth, David learned early of the impermanence of human bonds. He says he doesn't have a single friend in the world: Other kids don't get him, and neither do adults.

"I like a lot of things that other kids don't like, so we don't get along a lot of the time," David says. "My dad has always told me that I am special. I have my own way of looking at things, because I have imagination. A lot of the people, the kids, they don't use their imagination."

When David uses his imagination, he dreams of being a different person, living a life much different from his own.

Paul and Susan Mallamo didn't know much about seven-year-old David when they adopted him through Pueblo County in 1996. But they knew that they wanted to enlarge their family, and they were willing to take a chance on the brown-eyed boy so many others had given up on.

The first time the couple met David, he struck them as small and hyperactive -- so excited he couldn't stop moving.

"His whole body was shaking," recalls Susan. "He was bouncing off the walls. He said he just wanted a family, but he'd been afraid no one would adopt him because he had freckles."

Because David was an older child who had spent more than half his life in Colorado's child-welfare system, he was considered at high risk for developmental and behavioral problems. A caseworker in the Pueblo County Department of Social Services suspected that his biological parents suffered from mental illness and had abused David. The foster parents he'd been living with most recently said he'd been disciplined at home and school for "strange behaviors" and had a hard time separating reality from make-believe.

But the Mallamos wanted David anyway. "They probably could have told us that he was the son of Dracula and it wouldn't have mattered to us," Paul says. "That was our inexperience. We were living in a small town; we were very unrealistic and maybe even cocky in our parenting. We thought, 'Well, he hasn't been our kid yet.' Let's see what we can do."

They felt uniquely equipped to deal with whatever came along. Paul holds a degree in psychology from Brigham Young University, where he and Susan met as students; they were married in 1973. Before moving to Colorado from Utah, Paul worked at both a residential-services program for youths and in a psychiatric hospital. In Pagosa Springs, where the family was living at the time of David's adoption, Susan worked as a substitute teacher and also studied alternative healing therapies. The Mallamos already had three children -- one biological son, then eighteen, and thirteen-year-old twin girls adopted privately as infants in Utah -- and considered themselves able parents. (The names of the children in this story, including David's, have been changed.)

But David challenged their parenting right from the start. On his first night in the family home, he spent most of his time in the bathroom, screaming uncontrollably. Soon he began fighting with Paul and Susan, threatening to call social services when they disciplined him. Although he resisted the couple's attempts to show him affection, he hugged complete strangers.

Two months into his stay in the Mallamo home, David tried to hang the family dog.

The thoughts that David shared with his new parents were peppered with disturbing recollections. He said he remembered sleeping on a department-store bed after his birth parents had abandoned him at the mall; he said he'd called 911 numerous times by the time he was three. Confused by the interplay between his biological mother's fervent Christianity and his new family's Mormon beliefs, he was afraid to go near air ducts because he feared the Devil would pop out of them.

"You have an idea that whatever is going on with the child, you can find a way to love it out of them," says Paul. "We thought that maybe by exposing him to a new world of stimulation and taste, we might be able to open him up, to tap into some of the charm and brightness that we suspected was there."

"He had absolutely zero intellectual stimulation in his earliest years," says Susan. "We thought we could just redirect him."

In late 1996, the family moved to Lakewood, and Paul got a job as a counselor and case manager at Lookout Mountain Youth Services Center in Golden, one of the primary facilities used by the Colorado Department of Corrections. They took in a succession of foster children -- an arrangement that brought in additional income and allowed Susan to stay home with the kids. Soon after the move, David enrolled at Hutchinson Elementary School, where he repeated first grade because of his poor reading skills. When the Mallamos first met him, he could spell only about ten words.

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Karen 09/18/2008 6:12:00 PM

You are a lowlife,you abused this child and allowed others to abuse him now you try the pity act here,you discust me!! I truly hope DCF is keeping a watch on the son at home with you,you state your husband will take the child and lock himself in a room until you finally get a grip what if noone one is around and you beat this child or "accidently" drop him,hit him or throw him against doors? This child needs to be protected. You ruined one life and don't even take responsibility for what you did,you put the blame on everyone else. Don't ask for symphathy,you won't get it.
MiChele O 09/18/2008 6:48:00 AM

you are SCUM you abused that child neglected him abandoned him you had the nerve to have more children??? you shouldnt be alowed to have any!! the state should remove them all and tie your tubes.. with no anistesia you are so vile to treat an innocent child like you did what kind of hellish creature are you?? i pray for your children that they grow to have normal lives with out you in it you on the other hand are not worthy of a prayer.. go ahead and play the christian roll all you want you are decietful and your day will come
Ronda Lee Baldridge-McGuire 09/14/2008 8:49:00 AM

I am this boy�s birth mother and I am appalled by the lies and extreme exaggerations in this article. I am commenting to defend my self in the accusations I have been reading. I cannot believe the picture that Pueblo Social Services has painted of me. I am going by a printed out version of this (123 paragraphs)article and intend to go paragraph by paragraph and page by page and mention the statements in this article that are statements that are true, are things that I personally experienced and also the exaggerations or blatant fabricated lies. page 1 paragraph 1 states - He says he doesn't have a single friend in the world: Other kids don't get him, and neither do adults. I never had a single friend either and I still don't have any one that is close. My current husband is the closest and only friend I have. page 1 paragraph 7 states - A caseworker in the Pueblo County Department of Social Services suspected that his biological parents suffered from mental illness and had abused David. Yes I do suffer from mental illness, I lost control of my patience due to lack of parenting skills and extreme stress on 3 particular accounts that could constitute abuse. I am not making an excuse and agree that abuse is abuse but this article makes it sound extremely horrible. Incident 1 it was right after his sister was born, he was 3 1/2, I was giving him a bath when he refused to let me was his hair, I forced him to let me pour water over his head and he inhaled a mouth full of water. I was angry and screamed at him. And continued to splash him with water to show him that water doesn't hurt. I was wrong to do it and have always regretted it. Incident 2 after returning home from a long gray hound bus trip from Florida after visiting my mom arriving to being evicted and suddenly being homeless living in a motel and having a new baby (I did have sever postpartum depression) He was 4 years old, I walked in and found him about to stick a belt buckle into a plug socket. I panicked when I saw it and grabbed a plastic hanger and spanked his bottom with it. Incident 3 He was almost 5 his sister was about 18 months. I had been a single mom for about 7 months and was failing in every way to find income and rent a home. I was on the verge of a mental break down. His dad had moved from Denver to Pueblo so that we could co-parent easier. I was living with his dad, there was hardly any food in the house we had just come back from traveling on the city bus, and both kids were extremely tired and cranky. All at the same time the phone rang and someone was knocking on the door and I was trying to fix a package of Raman noodles for dinner, I turned around to answer the door and suddenly Chris grabbed the pot of Raman noodles and spilled it all over. I snapped and smacked him, picked him up and shook him harshly accidentally slammed him against a door knob and then dropped him and gave him about 3 or 4 kicks. I very much regret this. I called social services on my self he didn't have any marks so they didn't take him at that time, but I totally lost it and admitted myself into the hospital. He was with his dad half a night and then his dad called social services and that is when he entered into the system. It was a few days after this that the police contacted me to tell me that Chris and Sara had been molested by their father. I did not know he would ever do this to his own children. I was in denial because I thought at the time I had no other options for living arrangements. Through social services I completed counseling, many parenting classes from which I learned how to count to ten give myself time outs and even remove myself from the problem and there was never another incident again. I currently have a 3 1/2 year old son now that I constantly use these parenting skills with. I have not once even come close to abusing him. Page 2 Paragraph 12 - The thoughts that David shared with his new parents were peppered with disturbing recollections. He said he remembered sleeping on a department-store bed after his birth parents had abandoned him at the mall; he said he'd called 911 numerous times by the time he was three. Confused by the interplay between his biological mother's fervent Christianity and his new family's Mormon beliefs, he was afraid to go near air ducts because he feared the Devil would pop out of them. I never ever ever abandoned him at a mall. The fear of air ducts didn't come from my Christian beliefs or any of my teachings. I knew when the social workers told me that the adoptive parents were Mormon that he would eventually be extremely confused. page 2 paragraph 14 "He had absolutely zero intellectual stimulation in his earliest years," says Susan. "We thought we could just redirect him." This assumption is absolutely not true. I had read and sang to him just about every single night from the day he was born. Remember that social services had him from the age of 5 onward. page 2 paragraph 17 - "He wanted to have friends, but he had absolutely no social skills, no idea of how to go about sustaining a relationship," says Paul. I had and still have that problem. Page 3 paragraph 20 This is the part I find most up setting, When David was four, his mother told him that she wished he'd never been born. She wanted a girl, not a boy, so she sometimes dressed David in girls' clothes, even after she gave birth to a daughter, Mary. ABSOLUTELY NOT TRUE!!! I never once even thought these things let alone tell him. He was my world, he was everything to me. I have tons of photographs to prove this otherwise. And I can't believe that he said this that I dressed him up in girls� cloths??? NO NO NO NO Page 3 paragraph 21 - Physically and psychologically abused as a child, David's mother was wild as a girl and often ran away from home. She first received psychiatric care at sixteen, was often depressed and thought about suicide. In July 1995, diagnosed with bipolar disorder and schizophrenia, she committed herself because she "liked being in the hospital." By then, David had been in the child-welfare system for almost two years. Yes I was psychologically abused by both my father and mother but I was only "abused physically" one time when at age 16 mouthed off cussing my father out, he beat me with a belt and then I ran away. Between 12 and 16 I was in and out of foster homes. I went to short term psychological counseling at the age of 16 after the run away/belt incident. I was not a wild girl. As a matter a fact I was a very shy, polite, honest and proper Christian girl. I had never smoked, drank, used drugs and I even kept my virginity until after age 18 when I was out of school and on my own. Yes I have struggled my entire life with depression and even several instances of suicidal ideation., In September 1993, I was "miss" diagnosed as bi-polar (was later re-diagnosed with uni-polar depression and severe post partum depression.) I WAS NEVER diagnosed Schizophrenic. I did commit my self into the hospital because I was over whelmed and didn't have a support system and it was the only way I knew to get the help I needed. I struggled for the 2 years to gain income enough to rent a proper sized home (Social Services required me to have a 3 bedroom home before I could have my children back. Because of them being a boy and a girl) I got onto public housing, into a efficiency apartment (that size would all they would give me with out having custody of my children....Housing later wouldn't give me a larger unit until I had custody of the children) BUT Social Services should not give me custody of my children unless I had a larger place. It took 6 months to convince Social Services of this 'catch 22'. By the spring of 1995 they began giving me over night visits with each child one at a time. One week before Chris was due to come live with me in the efficiency apartment, I had both children in the apartment together for Easter weekend. When all of a sudden Chris began attacking Sara, I began getting up set and even screamed some very regretful things (I told him that if he didn't straiten up and stop these emotional rages that he would be taken away from me for good and it would be his fault) and even had an urge to do something physical BUT I didn't! To prevent any thing from happening I immediately called Social Services to come get them. That was the nightmarish evening that still rings very loudly in my head to this day. I had no place to give my self a time out, came to conclusion that I could not handle Christopher�s emotional rages. So decided I would give them both up for adoption. I had high hopes of them getting really good stable homes that could provide them with all the counseling and things they needed. I sincerely loved them both dearly, it broke my heart. I was so torn up about this choice, that it took 7 years before I ever got to a place to move forward. I just wanted to curl up into a ball and die. I felt like such a failure. page 3 paragraph 22 In the four years that David lived with his birth mother, she would fly into rages, beating him with coat hangers and kicking him. Although she denied drinking or taking drugs during her pregnancy, she had a history of alcohol and drug abuse, as did her father, mother, brother, ex-husband, grandfather and grandmother. As for these statements - I spanked him 1 time with 1 coat hanger. And yes I admit I kicked him. BUT I rarely drank or absolutely never used drugs ever! Yes my parents were alcoholics and smoked pot, My brother followed in their foot steps. My ex-husband never drank alcohol or used any drugs the entire 5 years that I was married to him. Page 3 paragraph 23 - David's father was a drifter who dated David's mother for two boozy months before marrying her in Pueblo. His father was not a drifter, he lived with his parents and brother in Denver Colorado. I met him at my church we were friends for 8 months before we began a relationship in January 1988. He moved into my apartment with me, I became pregnant and married him in March 1988. It wasn't until 3 days before the wedding that I was told about the previous charges of molestation. I kick myself every day for not turning around and running the other way. But I couldn't, my self-esteem was not strong then and I didn't think I could parent a baby by my self, I had no one to help me. I was talked out of leaving by his mother and a pastor. I was lead to believe that it was an over exaggerated incident and not a serious offence, that he had since turned his life over to God and that he would never do it again, especially to his own children. I was a bit naive and believed it and went through with the ceremony. I had no idea how big a mistake that was. He'd done time in an Oregon prison for molesting two boys; David was born in 1988, less than a year after his father's release. David told one foster parent that his father had frequently touched him in a sexual way while he was a toddler. A doctor who examined him suspected a "history of genital and rectal fondling." David's father was questioned by the police but never charged. He served 12 months in Walla Walla, Washington for indecent exposure to 3 boys. He got out in 1986. Graduated from High school in May of 1987. So it was 2 years after he got out. Chris was never molested before the divorce. It all happened in the 7 months that his dad and I were separated during visitations at his dad�s mother�s house, and a couple times when I was at work at Labor Ready (after his dad moved to Pueblo). page 3 paragraph 26 - In addition to describing his biological parents' various addictions and abuses, the report chronicled David's trek through foster care. By the time he was four years old, he had come to the attention of social services, which charged his biological mother with abandoning her children, dependent and neglected. I did not have any addictions. I was not charged of anything AND I NEVER ABANDONED THEM! They made this sound horrible! Like as if I gave no thought to it. I went through every single treatment plan given to me, I tried extremely hard to pull together what they needed. I volunteered to give up my parental rights so Christopher could be adopted. His fathers parental rights were terminated because of the molestations. On a side note in response to page 3 paragraph 27 - I too had many disappointments as a child, neither one of my parents wanted me they fought over who should take me. Eventually I ended up in 2 foster homes. I often had wished someone else would just adopt me. So I thought adoption was the best solution, I really did. I was under the impression from social services that both children Christopher and Sara would be adopted by couples who were friends, that they would be living in the same City of Durango and see each other on a regular basis. That I would be allowed to receive letters and updates from both sets of adopted parents. I did receive regular correspondence with Sara�s mom. I never received a single thing from his parents. I had previously to this week been angry about it but now I kind of understand why. I can't help but think if he had gotten to go to counseling with me that his anger and rage would not have been so bad. page 3/4 paragraph 28 - Although the deluge of new information confirmed some of their worst fears about their son, the Mallamos were relieved to at last have some insight into the past of the child they'd struggled to understand. David had received counseling both in and outside of school since they'd taken over his care, but neither the family nor the various therapists who saw him knew much about the pathology they were chasing. Therapists, pediatricians and psychiatrists had suspected intrauterine exposure to alcohol and drugs, but now they finally had specifics to guide their treatment. AGAIN!!! I never used drugs not during pregnancy and not ever! I did not use any substance. I was extremely careful when I was pregnant. I can get you the records from Tri-County Health Department in Arapaho County where I received consistent prenatal care from 10 weeks gestation to birth to prove this!! Because of the lies that Social Services fabricated it is a FACT that the psychiatrists in actuality did not have accurate specifics to guide their treatment. There are no other comments to this article. My conclusion and unprofessional opinion is that: He may have had a disorder not understood. He may have just snapped when I gave up on him and told him what I did. I don't know but I do know that it is possible to live with mental illness like I have seen described. I live with it everyday. I have learned tools over time and I have grown more patients with my self and others with age. I believe Chris may have done the same. I had been waiting for the day he turned 18 to begin what ever counseling he needed to help him through his rage. I under stand rage, I too deal with this every day. I have to go moment to moment to survive. Everyone that is close to me knows to give me signals when I am blowing up. They know to leave me alone. My current husband just goes in the bedroom or takes our son Luke (who is currently 3 1/2) and goes to his parents for the weekend. I haven't been in the hospital since 2001; I haven't even been on any medication since 2002. I have built a close knit relationship with my church and my God. I have hobbies and releases. I now am half way finished with an associate�s degree in Graphic Design. I still have depression, anxiety and mood swings but have realized that they happen more often if I fail to eat right (I get low blood sugar and get very flaky inside the brain)or don't get enough sleep or dwell too much on negative things or watch too much television (I am easily moved emotionally by drama on television - it use to effect me like I saw that it effected Chris) I just found him in Lawrence Kansas after googleing his name (as I did on a regular basis since he turned 18) BUT VERY BAD NEWS! He has been arrested for 2nd degree attempted murder and faces possibly 20 years in prison. I don't think this is going to help him at all, if any thing it will teach him to be a criminal. I think where he needs to be is sentenced to 2 - 5 years in a mental institution. But only one that gives opportunities to get counseling with me. To be given opportunities to get well. His adopted father�s worst nightmares and mine have come true. I only hope I am not the only one who cares. I am not financially capable of hiring a team of experts and lawyers like I would like to. If there were a way I would sue the pants off of Pueblo Social Services and even this News Agency if I had the money too. I might have the money too in a couple years once I finish my degree. Then watch out.