The Six Most Annoying Types of Old-School Ravers
It's happened to just about every electronic music fan out there: You're standing in front of the speakers, soaking up the sounds of your favorite DJ, and all of a sudden, that guy — or that girl — intrudes on your space and proceeds to make you miserable. And there's nothing to be done besides grit your teeth and bear it.
And then bitch about it on the Internet, of course.
In order to appropriately shame those responsible for their heinous activity, I give you the most annoying
6. The Shirtless Wonder
Full disclosure: I dated this guy. He was shirtless when I met him, and at the time, it didn't bother me — on the contrary, actually; he had a great torso and I liked looking at it.
That said, I'm older and wiser now. I know it gets hot inside those clubs or warehouses or wherever you happen to be partying. But in my experience, every dude who wanders around without a shirt on is both narcissistic and immature.
You look nice without your shirt on; I get it. Now put on your tank top and get on with your night.
Modern counterpart: The Clothes-Free Woman
Going topless isn't just for men anymore! With the right bra — or pasties — ladies, too, can jump on the "I know how to dress
Like I said, I know it gets hot at parties. But it doesn't get that hot. Clothe your damn self, already.
Do you know what the worst thing about both the Shirtless Wonder and Clothes-Free Woman is? They are invariably covered in sweat, and if they brush up against you, which they are bound to do sooner or later in a crowded environment, their sweaty skin saturates you. Lovely.
5. The Candy Kid
Just about everyone I know who got into parties in the late '90s/early '00s was also what we used to call a "Candy Kid" in the beginning — someone who wore tons of homemade bracelets (store-bought just ain't the same) and traded said bracelets with other candy kids.
And just about everyone I know who stayed active in the scene disavowed candy as soon as they realized that the Jaded Ravers (see no. 1) all laughed at them for it.
It wasn't long before those pre-party candy-making gatherings bit the dust in every group of raver friends. (But I will admit to still keeping a small collection of candy from special people that I treasure.)
The biggest problem with the Candy Kids wasn't the candy, per se; it was the ridiculous situations wherein they felt it was appropriate to gift candy. I got a piece of candy once while puking into a trash can because a passerby thought I "looked sad." Um, sure, "sad" is the most appropriate word for what I looked like...?
Modern counterpart: The Candy Kid
They're rarer, but they're still around, and just as ridiculously glad to meet you as they ever were.
4. The Hug-Demander
Let's just say that some people are really happy and loving at electronic music events. And sometimes, those people demand hugs.
I consider myself a pretty friendly person, but if we wouldn't hug each other upon meeting in a regular situation (in other words, if I don't know you), then, no, you can't have a hug — especially if you are a Shirtless Wonder or Clothes-Free Woman. Remember what I said about sweat? Gross.
If you ask really nicely and are wearing a shirt, I might hug you, but honestly, I'd prefer the candy at this point.
Modern counterpart: The Grinder
This didn't used to be a thing at electronic music events — not that I remember, anyway — but that whole thing where some random person comes up to you and starts grinding on you while you're trying to enjoy your dance flow has infiltrated the scene, and it's seriously annoying.
Note to everyone: Unless I explicitly invite you to do otherwise, please keep your crotch off me. Thanks.
3. The Drug Seeker
I was at a party once where a girl told me, "If I can't find any drugs tonight, I'm going home, because there's no point in being here."
Yes, there are almost always drugs at clubs where DJs are spinning music, and most definitely at raves, but if that's your only reason for attending, well, you just dropped a chunk of change on an event when you could have just hit up a dealer instead.
Modern counterpart: The Clueless Consumer
I don't know whether it's because more people are attending raves than ever before or because the people who regularly attend have killed all available brain cells, but here's a quick primer: Mixing drugs enhances the effect of every drug you've taken; just because it's a pressed pill form doesn't mean it's safe; just because it's in a capsule doesn't mean it's unsafe.
Know what you're putting into your body and we'll all be better for it. There's no buzzkill like babysitting a friend instead of having fun — or worse yet, having that friend (or you) wind up in the hospital or morgue because you didn't think about what you were doing before you did it.
2. The Whistle-Blower
There's nothing like grooving to a gorgeous beat when, all of a sudden, the shrill, piercing shriek of a whistle abruptly interrupts your dancing daze.
The Whistle-Blower thinks she is on a wavelength with the DJ, tweeting to the beat and adding the icing to the cake of whatever track is pumping through the speakers.
In reality, she's ruining the sound for everyone else who can hear her whistle. Which is everyone else, period.
I was at a party once where someone yelled "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!" at the resident Whistle-Blower and everyone around him applauded. I wanted to give him a great big hug, but...see no. 4.
Modern counterpart: None, thank the sweet lords of the dance floor. As far as I can tell, this is one super-annoying trend that bit the dust.
This is not how these things used to look.
1. The Jaded Raver
You're excited to see this DJ, but the Jaded Raver is quick to tell you that his set on Ibiza in '02 was the peak of his career and that every set spun since is garbage. You're stoked to check out a new venue, but it's nowhere near as awesome as a warehouse that's been occupied and unavailable since the late '90s.
Fliers were the downfall of the scene — the Jaded Raver will be happy to tell you that raves were so much better when attendees were screened at map points.
And, yeah, that dancer over there is okay, but back in the day, everyone at a party could break or pop-and-lock like a pro, not just a handful of people at any given event.
Modern counterpart: Me and anyone else who would create a list like this one. I'm not afraid to admit it. I have become my own worst nightmare.
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