As a general rule, three similar items make a trend. But we're suspending that regulation in honor of two schmucky incidents that took place on CU-Boulder's Regent Drive within 24 hours or so. One involved an alleged drunk driver taking out some parking meters. The other found another alleged drunk driver smashing into a cop car.
Samuel Holz and Douglas Hammond, come on down! You're the next contestants on How to Become a Schmuck of the Week!
Holz took center stage first. Around 1:50 a.m. on Friday, July 5, according to the University of Colorado Police Department, a vehicle had an improper meeting with the aforementioned parking meters, located on Regent near the Coors Event Center.
The driver fled the scene, but his escape attempt was over within fifteen minutes, when UCPD personnel found Holz, a 22-year-old CU student, walking away from the crash. His blood alcohol content reportedly registered at 0.13, not quite double the legal limit.
Holz was busted on suspicion of driving under the influence, DUI per se, careless driving, failing to report an accident and failing to report an accident involving property damage.
Roll the clock forward to 1:30 a.m. on Saturday, July 6, and you'll experience déjà vu all over again. That's when a Honda Accord rolling at around thirty miles per hour (fast enough for the air bag to deploy) slammed into the back of a UCPD patrol car parked on Regent not far from the university's administrative center.
The squad car was unoccupied at the moment of impact, but only because officers were busy on another call. Given that they'd activated the overhead emergency lights before disembarking, the vehicle was pretty hard to miss, and the driver -- identified as Douglas Hammond, 33 -- didn't miss it.
Hammond was quickly cuffed on suspicion of driving under the influence, DUI per se and careless driving thanks to a BAC that topped Holz's. Hammond registered a 0.19.
Strangely, no DUI crash took place on Regent shy of 2 a.m. the next morning. On the seventh day, apparently, the drunk drivers rested.
Here's a look at Hammond's mug shots.
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More from our Schmuck of the Week archive: "Evan Castle pleads guilty to being a liquored-up, stewardess-groping Schmuck."