Why Mercury Cafe Booted Dave Tonguefingers From Its Open Mic

“There were a lot of people signed up, most playing snoozy Neil Young covers. I had some drinks. Then more drinks. By the time my name was called, I was bored and in the mood for some head-cutting. 

“I wanted my smokes, beer and ashtray with me. After carrying everything on stage, I pulled a second pint of beer out of my shorts, to the audience’s laughter and surprise. I chugged the first pint and put all my shit down. It took forever. A lady in the corner was giving me the stink eye, and I hadn’t even begun playing. Stoned, buzzed and ornery, I played a love song I wrote called “Vomit on My Cock.” It was met with a smattering of applause and uncomfortable laughter. The lady was now intently staring at me.

“I decided to push it, and went into a song about hippies…and at that moment, the lady in the corner yelled, “Get off the stage!” She looked at me with a fierceness I hadn’t met in a long time. I put out my cigarette and made my way off the stage. Years Later, I found out that the lady who yelled at me was the Mercury’s owner, who to this day still gives me the stink eye.”

Little Fyodor and Babushka will perform during the annual Franksgiving benefit for the Chrohn’s and Colitis Foundation of America at the Lion’s Lair on Saturday, November 11. 

Editor’s Note: The Denver Bootleg is a series chronicling the history of local music venues by longtime Denver cartoonist Karl Christian Krumpholz. Visit Krumpholz’s website to see more of his work.