I Want Your Sexpo

This weekend's Sex and So Much More Show at the Colorado Convention Center just isn't getting the kind of attention that a sexpo featuring porno bigwigs Ron Jeremy and Jenna Jameson deserves. For one, Focus on the Family hasn't gotten involved, but things would sure be a lot more interesting if the pioneers of anti-awesomeness did. Dobson, where you at? Giant dildos in rainbow colors! Fluffy Bunny whips! More than 25 varieties of beef jerky! How can you possibly say nothing at a time like this?

Thankfully for those craving some good old-fashioned heathen-bashing, the religious right hasn't stayed completely silent. On Valentine's Day — the one day when even your parents might have sex — a Thornton pastor spoke out against the upcoming sexploration. Expressing "deep disgust," Kaptain Keepitinyourpants claimed that the promotion of sexual conduct would make "most Denver metro people cringe." Dude, celibacy is so eighteenth-century.

But seriously, folks: The Sex and So Much More Show won't be anything like the gregarious gangbang you're probably imagining — or hoping for. According to event coordinator Kari Calder, the show is an "upscale" consumer trade event (translation: overpriced products and no public nudity) designed for couples who want to keep their love lives interesting.

"My parents are very conservative, but it's something that I wouldn't hesitate to bring them to," Calder says. "No one is going to say, 'Oh, my God, I saw your car at the sex store!' We're bringing it into a comfortable environment where people feel safe. It doesn't promote polygamy."

Toys, lingerie and DVDs will be available, adult film stars will be on hand to sign autographs, and knowledgeable sexperts will give seminars on everything from anal sex to achieving multiple orgasms. Plus, there's a beer garden.

Tickets are $20 for a day pass or $30 for the entire weekend; attendees must be at least nineteen. Get more information and a full schedule at www.sexandsomuchmore.com or by calling 1-888-268-0020.
Fri., Feb. 23, 3 p.m.-midnight; Sat., Feb. 24, 10-midnight; Sun., Feb. 25, 10 a.m.-6 p.m.

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Drew Bixby