Westword: What do you want to say to your opponent before you crush him? Chuck Roy: First I would speak up, because he's old and probably can't hear me, and next I would say look me in the eye, because he has a weird wandering eye.
John Novosad: What I want to say to Chuck is that I'm going to hit him over the head with a bunch of dick and weed jokes the likes of which he's never seen, and I may even write a special pot dick joke all rolled into one. And then I'll probably have a couple of Fat Tires after the show.
WW: What's your strategy? JN: It's all about doing the work beforehand. We have three topics; we'll get one the day of the show. I write, I write, write, write, so I'm going to have more jokes on the topic than I have time to do. Even though I'm a hippie, I do my homework.
CR: I'm going to write more jokes than him.
WW: What's your objective? JN: Chuck came up with the comedy-battle concept, so my objective is to take the concept he created and basically beat the hell out of him with it, thus showing him that I am the true king of the comedy battle.
WW: What will you do with the spoils of victory? CR: Seeing as he's vegetarian, there probably won't be a lot of carcass to devour. So I'll probably drink any beers that were meant for him.
WW: Why is your opponent so wrong about everything? CR: He's liberal.
JN: He's conservative, you know, and, uh, that's about it.
WW: How will you feel if you lose? CR: Impossible to even conceive.
JN: Oh, man, I'll be so bummed.
Roy and Novosad go head-to-head tomorrow night at Comedy Works at 8 p.m. Tickets are $12. For more info, call 303-595-3637.
