Photos

Photos: Lions at DIA portend of the vast Illuminati conspiracy

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The Lion's, officials said with shifty eyes and sweating brows, were "rescued" by an organization calling itself "Animal Defenders International" from animal circuses in Bolivia, where they suffered inhuman treatment and horrendous living conditions -- such circuses were recently banned in Bolivia. Now, officials say through their clenched, lying teeth, the lions are on their way to a place called "The Wild Animal Sanctuary" (more like "Future Concentration Camp for Dissenters," amiright?) in Keenesburg, Colorado.

But let's look at the facts: Like Anubis, lions are a representation of an ancient Egyptian god -- in this case, Sekhmet, the god of war and destruction (also, weirdly, of menstruation), also nicknamed by the ancient Egyptians "Lady Slaughter." Furthermore, the fact that exactly 25 of them arrived at DIA yesterday is also significant, given that Saint Augustine referred to 25 as the number of the law, and under Vatican tradition, every 25 years is a holy year. We're interpreting this to mean that the alien overlords will probably rain destruction on humanity and rule us under brutal penal law, that it'll probably happen around 2025 and that the Pope is in on it.

In any case, we sent photographer Kate Levy to investigate. She brings back these photos:

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Jef Otte
Contact: Jef Otte