“Well, let’s get this over with,” Santa says to the elves as they’re trying to sing a song. A song they wrote for him. A song about how they’re “his” elves. And then Santa proceeds to act all bored and impatient while they’re singing, and later talks about how “that silly elf song is driving me crazy”. What a burden it must be, Santa, to have these little slave-toymakers writing songs about how happy they are that you’re their master. Seriously, man, no one’s asking you to be Che Guevera here, but have some respect for their work. And then, when the song is over, and Mrs. Claus has the common decency to applaud them, Santa scowls and says “Well, it needs work. I gotta go.” We can only assume that he slaps Mrs. Claus around later on, off-camera, for encouraging the little bastards.
Later, at the reindeer games, Rudolph is quite frankly kicking ass. He’s up in the air and flying when all the other young bucks are faceplanting in the snow. And Santa is actually supportive, at first, commending Rudolph—or more specifically, Donner. Because that’s where the responsibility for a kid’s success really lies, right? With the father. Of course, the father is also responsible for when the kid turns out to be a complete freak with a red nose. While Rudolph is being openly and mercilessly teased by his “friends”, Santa doesn’t step in. Oh, no. He actually chastises Donner. “Donner, you ought to be ashamed of yourself,” Santa scolds. “What a pity. He had a nice takeoff, too.” You know, Santa, it’s also a pity that you’re a bigoted dick.
Of course, it deserves mention that Santa’s not the only male patriarch figure in this story who’s an a-hole. Donner himself starts out as something of a nightmare father, criticizing his newborn son about his nose (“How can you overlook that!”) and later going out into the worst storm in history by himself because, as he tells his wife, “This is man’s work.” And then he belches and scratches at his balls with one hoof. And there’s Comet, the Coach, who says “From now on, we’re not going to let Rudolph join in any reindeer games, right?” But then he’s a coach, so they’re sort of licensed for dickishness—it’s in the contract. And it’s not just reindeer: there’s also the grumpy Head Elf who gives Hermie a hard time, and the winged lion King Moonracer, who won’t let anyone but toys stay on his Island for some reason. Out of the lot of them, Yukon Cornelius is the only one who’s really worth a damn.
So yeah, Santa needs help pulling his sleigh through the murky pea-soup night, and Rudolph comes to the rescue. But honestly? In Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer? Santa needs all sorts of help. -- Teague Bohlen
