Holidays

Ten Scariest Denver Halloween Costumes

Oddly enough: none of these are costumes.
Oddly enough: none of these are costumes. Aaron Thackeray
To dress up in costume or not to dress up in costume: That’s the Halloween question. On the plus side, dressing up can be a lot of fun. On the not-so-plus, it can be a lot of pressure. You can’t just go to Target or one of those pop-up stores that used to be a Circuit City and pick something off the shelf. You have to think this through. Don’t have time for thinking it through? We’re here for you, with ten seriously scary and completely Colorado costume ideas.

Feel free to take complete credit for your outfit, but do us a favor and send us a picture when you trick-or-treat Denver-style.

Finding Cory Gardner is sort of like looking for Waldo or Carmen Sandiego. - DONKEYHOTEY AT FLICKR
Finding Cory Gardner is sort of like looking for Waldo or Carmen Sandiego.
DonkeyHotey at Flickr
10. Senator Cory Gardner
This is probably the easiest costume idea on the list, because all you have to do is dress in a suit, smile a lot, and never make an appearance. Extra candy if you somehow manage to talk out of both sides of your mouth!

click to enlarge Cupcakes, coffeehouses, and condescension: three of the four Cs of gentrification. - MSSARAKELLY AT FLICKR
Cupcakes, coffeehouses, and condescension: three of the four Cs of gentrification.
MsSaraKelly at Flickr
9. Neighborhood Gentrifier
This is a slightly tougher costume to put together, but it probably includes a North Face jacket worn over a “Keep Colfax Weird” T-shirt, cargo shorts, Birkenstocks with hiking socks, and a ring of keys on a Subaru keychain. Offroad-capable double-wide stroller optional.


click to enlarge It'll be like a live-action version of "Office Space," every day. - JOHN REESE AT FLICKR
It'll be like a live-action version of "Office Space," every day.
John Reese at Flickr
8. An Amazon Commuter
With the possibility of Amazon’s HQ2 moving to the Denver area, many current commuters are shaking in their Saabs at the prospect of a whole slew of new blinkers on the highway system. Office attire and an Amazon-themed travel mug? Horrors.

click to enlarge Please stop splashing my sopaiillas. - DAVE HERHOLZ AT FLICKR
Please stop splashing my sopaiillas.
Dave Herholz at Flickr
7. Casa Bonita Cliff Diver
It's not just the sympathetic cold people might feel for you going shirtless in late October: Everyone's still sort of feeling queasy from the last time they had the mandatory enchilada plate.


6. Out-of-State Ski Tourists
Yes, the state depends on these good folks to fill the tourism coffers, but that doesn’t mean we can’t poke a little fun. Start with a matchy-matchy ski outfit, rental skis, a camera around your neck…and complete your look with a broad, photogenic smile and a big thumbs-up for everyone. Don’t forget to talk about how these pictures are going to make everyone back home jealous.

KEEP WESTWORD FREE... Since we started Westword, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Denver, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Teague Bohlen is a writer, novelist and professor at the University of Colorado Denver. His first novel, The Pull of the Earth, won the Colorado Book Award for Literary Fiction in 2007; his textbook The Snarktastic Guide to College Success came out in 2014. His new collection of flash fiction, Flatland, is available now.
Contact: Teague Bohlen