If only because when you look back at the photos ten years from now, you may slap your palm to your face and think, "Did I really dress as the physical representation of WikiLeaks?!" And how many people did you see dressed as Zach Galifianakis's "Alan" from The Hangover during the fall of 2009? The answer, whatever the number, is too many. Because like an old episode of Murphy Brown, topical humor doesn't age well. Yes, that was a Murphy Brown reference. See?
Here are the ten topical costumes to avoid this Halloween. You're better off just busting out that tired old Darth Vader or slutty-nurse-who's-also-bloody-for-some-reason outfit.
10. A Bedbug Why It Won't Work: Arguably the grossest costume on this list, especially if you go with some realistic, shiny, polyurethane-slathered insect costume. 9. An Internet Meme Why It Won't Work: If you go as "Troll Face" guy or Good Guy Greg or whomever, only your dorky friends from Reddit (and secretly 4chan) are going to know what you are. 8. Casey Anthony Why It Won't Work: Because you'll just look like a gas station clerk. Seriously, she's the most hated woman among Nancy Grace fans, but how many of them will be at your party? 7. Michelle Bachmann Eyes Why It Won't Work: The eyes alone -- how could you get those done? You could go as the Newsweek magazine cover, but then you're going as a magazine. 6. Rick Santorum Why It Won't Work: Going as the last-in-the-polls GOP candidate for president is never a good idea, Republican or not. And besides, you're just an old white guy in a suit. You may as well go as a banker. 5. A Listeria-Covered Cantaloupe Why It Won't Work: Dressing as a melon of any sort for Halloween is typically a great idea (think of the jokes!) but having to explain that you're not just a cantaloupe, but you are a poison cantaloupe, seems like a bit of a stretch. And no one will want to touch you, leaving you the lonely cantaloupe person in the corner. 4. Member of a Mexican Drug Cartel Why It Won't Work: It's not really a costume. The only way this could work is if you carry around a decapitated head, then explain that it's the local sheriff. 3. Nude Scarlett Johansson Why It Won't Work: There are two options for this one: Go naked (depending on the party, you may be the big hit) or in a flesh-colored body suit and do that pose. 2. Occupy Wall Street Protester Why It Won't Work: Much has been made of the diversity of the movement, which could work in your favor. Still, it's a bit too, um, serious to really pull off. Plus, the moment you knock over the punch bowl with your "WE ARE THE 99 PERCENT" sign, you've killed any chance of making new friends. 1. Zombie Steve Jobs Why It Won't Work: Yes, this one is in poor taste. You're sure to hear "Too Soon!" and get baited into an argument with the nearest pro-business, capitalist Apple fan boy.
Keep Westword Free... Since we started Westword, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Denver, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Denver with no paywalls.