There's nothing Hollywood loves more than taking a universally beloved story or concept and remaking it -- after all, what's a more surefire moneymaking bet than something that's already proven to be universally beloved? In that remake process, these five steps are generally observed: 1. Strip the story or concept down to its bare bones. 2. Remove or ignore everything that originally made it special. 3. Add a shitload of CGI. 4. Throw in a bunch of flashing lights and crank the volume up to eleven. 5. Stab it in its cold, dead soul.
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Hey, you guys remember the storyline of Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker? No? Exactly. That's because the storyline of the ballet was largely hallucinatory and incoherent -- something about a toymaker and a mouse king and a sugarplum fairy and a handsome prince -- and more importantly, it's incidental. Nobody goes to see The Nutcracker for a good yarn. We go to see it for the beautiful choreography and Tchaikovsky's iconic score.
And so it is that the most ridiculous moment of this trailer comes at about 1:27, when the screen flashes this little tidbit: "Based on the story and music by Tchaikovsky." If you are astute, you'll observe that the music of Tchaikovsky is actually absent here; so, for that matter, is any kind of ballet whatsoever. But hey, we do get a lot of bells and whistles and special effects, and a storyline that is, well, still pretty much hallucinatory and incoherent.
Oh, and it's in 3D, which is one of the best indicators around right now that a movie is going to suck -- it's the glitter Hollywood throws on only the worst turds it shits out. Because if it has absolutely no other redeeming value, by God, at least it'll sparkle.