The 68th Golden Globe Awards will be handed out this Sunday. It's a contractual obligation that all televised awards shows do not reward quality, and this will be no different; plenty of shitty movies will wind up being allowed to slap Golden Globe Winner on their DVD packaging. Of course, there is no objective measure of quality, but if there's some universal indication, we can agree that Rotten Tomatoes manages to aggregate its way to some sort of meaningful ballpark, right? So we've taken their scores for major award Golden Globe nominees and came up with the ten worst. Observe the mediocrity below. RT Ratings are next to the title of each movie
10. The Concert (58 percent) for Best Foreign Language Film All films with subtitles are supposed to be smart, right? I mean, they would have just talked English otherwise, wouldn't they? Ironically, the Foreign Language Films category scores lower almost completely across the board than the Best Picture category, which is all American films. What do we think this means? That the nominating committee did not watch nearly as many foreign films as domestic ones.
9. Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps (54 percent) for Best Supporting Actor (Michael Douglas) We're not going to say this was a cancer sympathy nomination, but...
8. Alice in Wonderland (51 percent) for Best Actor in a Musical or Comedy (Johnny Depp) Johnny Depp appeared in a bunch of pretty blah movies last year. This one seemed like it had potential, but it's all just a little too weird with no real payoff. Depp is... baffling in it.
7. The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (49 percent) for Best Original Song ("There's A Place For Us") The most obvious-seeming leap in logic comes from nominations in this category. After all, good songs (and even good single performances) can come from terrible movies. But, again, the particular category isn't going to stop a movie's studio from slapping "Golden Globe" on all ensuing merchandise references. And, of course, that's half of what these awards are all about. The other half is, you know, perpetuating the 24-hour-celebrity news cycle. 6. Love and Other Drugs (49 percent) for Best Actor in a Musical or Comedy (Jake Gyllenhaal) and Best Actress in a Musical or Comedy (Anne Hathaway) Not really sure why this one wound up elevated above the standard-fare romcom, but it did. Not necessarily because the movie was better, but because it was somehow made to seem like something more, like a larger commentary on society. It wasn't.
5. Casino Jack (40 percent) for Best Actor in a Musical or Comedy (Kevin Spacey) This one hurts. The final film effort of George Hickenlooper (cousin of Colorado Governor John) before his tragic death last year, Casino Jack is a movie we are rooting for in every way possible.
4. Burlesque (36 percent) for Best Musical or Comedy and two nominations for Best Original Song For some reason the Musical or Comedy entries are way weaker than the Drama ones. Surely good comedy/musical movies are made every year, right? Yet here we are, doling out film awards to fossilized pop stars.
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3. Frankie and Alice (20 percent) for Best Actress (Halle Berry) Movies about racial tension are award show magnets, but this one couldn't live up to the many genuinely thought provoking entrants in years past.
2. The Tourist (20 percent) for Best Musical or Comedy, Best Actress in a Musical or Comedy (Angelina Jolie) and Best Actor in a Musical or Comedy (Johnny Depp) Really, guys? The Tourist? That movie is fucking awful. And how does it qualify as a musical or comedy? This is by far the most galling inclusion on this list. What the fuck are we doing giving major movie awards to The Tourist?
1. Country Strong (17 percent) for Best Original Song ("Coming Home") Well, it wasn't going to win anything else. Turns out you can't make Crazy Heart twice. This was supposed to be a huge movie, too -- the marketing campaign was enormous. Too bad so few people have actually enjoyed it.