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The top five best Futurama episodes ever

Futurama has given us so much. Since 1999 it has offered us sex, drugs, violence, hooker bots, sewer mutants, Hedonism Bot, a fossilized dog, death by snoo-snoo, a big ball of garbage, hooker bots, Slurm, whalers on the moon, Morbo, toasters that feel love, Popplers, positron shooters, a were-car, worm-infested bowels, hooker bots, Calculon, sheep and sharks, Elzar, Nixon's head, "ape bones,"Al Gore, hooker bots, a shiny metal AND a glorious golden ass to bite, a porno-dealing monster, Kwanzaabot and Bachelor Chow -- now with flavor.

And so, for no particular reason, here are our top five Futurama episodes. Sadly enough, Zapp Brannigan doesn't get laid in any of them. But Fry sure does.

5. "Spanish Fry" -- season 4, episode #17 While the Planet Express crew is camping in the woods, Fry is kidnapped by aliens and his nose is hijacked and sold to a porno-dealing monster as an aphrodisiac called "human horn." His nose is bought by Lrrr, ruler of Omicron Persei 8, to revive his stale love life with his wife Ndnd, but they learn that the human nose is not the part that makes the love. Hijinks ensue.

The immature, raunchy wang jokes are really what makes this episode artful, with Bender in the background shouting filthy jokes while poor Fry is facing a life without his doodle, and the warring Omicronian couple are trying to get their monster mash on.

Best quote from this episode:

Lrrr: "Mmm, this jerked chicken is good! I think I'll have Fry's lower horn jerked."

Bender: "It's used to it! Wooo!"

4. "Hell is Other Robots" -- season 1, episode #9 After the crew attends a Beastie Boys concert, Bender runs into an old high-school friend and gets high on electricity by "jacking on." He subsequently gets addicted, joins the "Temple of Robotology" to clean up and gets a glimpse of robot hell and the robot devil. Hijinks ensue.

Mimicking Sartre's play No Exit is always comedic gold, and this episode manages to lampoon addicts, conservative religions, New Jersey and the meaning of life all at the same time.

Best quote from this episode:

Bender: "Do I preach to you while you're lying stoned in a gutter?"

3. "Love and Rocket" -- season 4, episode #3 The crew heads to Milwaukee around Valentine's Day to land a delivery contract, and with the influx of cash the professor makes upgrades to the Planet Express ship, including a sexy female voice, which infatuates Bender, who then dates the ship for a short time until he gets sick of her and starts cheating and lying, causing the ship to become suspicious, clingy and stalker-ish. Hijinks ensue.

Sigourney Weaver is the ship's voice in this episode, Bender sings "Daisy Bell" and we learn that those disgusting candy conversation hearts have two ingredients: bone meal and earwig honey. I have a gut feeling that this is true.

Best quote from this episode:

Leela: "Bender, dating your co-worker and primary mode of transportation is immoral, illogical and in violation of interstellar shipping statue 437-B."

Bender: "That's what makes it so nasty."

2. "Godfellas" -- season 3, episode #20 The crew gets attacks by space pirates and Bender hides in a torpedo tube which launches him into deep space where Fry and Leela can't reach him. Bender is hit by an asteroid, and a tiny human-like race makes Bender their home world and worships him as their god. Bender exploits them for a while, but then actually tries to govern them, failing miserably. Hijinks ensue.

This is one of the few poignant episodes, and Bender being nice is proof of that. After Bender's ill-fated civilization experience, he meets a godlike entity who oversimplifies the meaning of life but actually has a few good points about creation and the existence of the divine.

Best quote from this episode:

Bender: "I was God once."

Godlike Entity: "I saw. You were doing very well, until everyone died."

1. "Roswell That Ends Well" -- season 3, episode #19 The crew watches a supernova while Fry puts a metal popcorn pack in the microwave, causing the "gravitons and graviolis" to send the ship back in time to Roswell, New Mexico in 1947 where they are stuck until they can find another microwave to put metal into and mimic the reaction to get them home. Fry meets his grandfather Enos who he accidently vaporizes in a nuclear test explosion and ends up comforting his grandmother with his wiggle stick. Hijinks ensue.

This episode taught us that you can cook a roast in a gas oven in four hours. Also, Zoidberg hits on President Truman, Bender loses his head in the sand and Fry becomes his own grandfather by "doing the nasty in the past-y."

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Best quote from this episode:

Fry: "I had no choice; I was about to not exist. I could feel myself fading away, like Greg Kinnear."

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