Outdoors

Things you might overhear on the slopes that sound like sexual euphemisms

So, you're in line for the lift, and your mind starts to wander. And granted, it's not like you're at the beach, where there's a lot of exposed skin or thong-factors to distract you, but really, it's said that men think of sex every seven seconds on average -- so considering the lift lines? It's completely excusable. (And yes, the seven-seconds thing is a myth, but hell, let's lean on that for emotional validation while we can.)

All of which is a roundabout way of saying that when you're on the slopes, you're going to hear some stuff that sounds dirty. But it's not. As usual, it's just you.

10. "I need to get my board waxed."

9. "She's great at schussing in full tuck."

8. "Tighten my bindings, baby?"

7. "You've got a beautiful wedge."

6. "Stop going straight down. Take your time."

5. "We're going to hit those pillows hard."

4. "This is pretty hairy when it's not groomed."

3. "Plant your pole! Plant your pole!"

2. "You have to stop keeping your knees together eventually."

1. "He just can't stop prereleasing when he's almost to the bottom."

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Teague Bohlen is a writer, novelist and professor at the University of Colorado Denver. His first novel, The Pull of the Earth, won the Colorado Book Award for Literary Fiction in 2007; his textbook The Snarktastic Guide to College Success came out in 2014. His new collection of flash fiction, Flatland, is available now.
Contact: Teague Bohlen