YouTube University: How to get a girl to kiss you

Remember when your parents had "the sex talk" with you? Maybe you were lucky and skipped that awkwardness altogether, and learned about doing it from pros like Brenda and Dylan on Beverly Hills 90210, like we did. But what about before the before-the-sex part? When and how did you learn...

By Bree Davies

September 20, 2011

Audio By Carbonatix

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Remember when your parents had "the sex talk" with you? Maybe you were lucky and skipped that awkwardness altogether, and learned about doing it from pros like Brenda and Dylan on Beverly Hills 90210, like we did. But what about before the before-the-sex part? When and how did you learn how to kiss? If you didn't just go in for it and try to figure it out, well, we have the video for you. In this how-to segment, sort-of-parent-types and faux morning-show hosts Dan & Jennifer discuss the steps to a good smooch.

And believe us, it is just like your mom and dad talking to you about intercourse: They use words like "linger" and "sensual," only heightening the embarrassment and heebie-jeebie factor of this video. Below, Jennifer and Dan tell you how to seduce a woman's face, and we give you some tips on how to make a creepy Make-Out 101 video.

Tip #1: Make sure the stuff you have scrolling on the screen sounds extra-legit Wait. So, Jennifer and Dan, are we reading what we think we're reading? There are 25 ways for a woman's partner to make her orgasm? This shouldn't be relegated to the bottom of a YouTube video; this should be national news. Thanks for alerting us. Tip #2: Dress like teenagers preparing for a job interview Nothing says "I'm an authority on something" like a button-up shirt and no tie. For the ladies, a graphic T-shirt with some kind of crazy design works just fine, too, as long as you've got a ton of makeup on. Whether you're trying to get someone to kiss you by staring into his or her eyes or you're filling out an application at Best Buy, these outfits are going to take you places. Tip #3: Two words: cue cards Want to look organized? Want to seem researched on your subject? Get some cue cards. It doesn't matter if there is actually any information written on them, just as long as they are neat and visible. Dan & Jennifer went the extra mile and had a logo put on the backs of theirs, which, for some reason, assures us (and, more importantly, their YouTube students) that the cards are full of valuable tips and tricks for kissing and shit.

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Bree Davies is a multimedia journalist, artist advocate and community organizer born and raised in Denver. Rooted in the world of Do-It-Yourself arts and music, Davies co-founded Titwrench experimental music festival, is host of the local music and comedy show Sounds on 29th on CPT12 Colorado Public Television and is creator and host of the civic and social issue-focused podcast, Hello? Denver? Are You Still There? Her work is centered on a passionate advocacy for all ages, accessible, inclusive, non-commercial and autonomous DIY art spaces and music venues in Denver.

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