Best Insult of the Denver Post in the Rocky Mountain News

Written by Lynn Bartels

To the chagrin of her editors, reporter/columnist Lynn Bartels wrote in an October 1 piece that the prose in a "how-to tome for incoming lawmakers" by the Office of Legislative Legal Services was "so technical and boring it reads like the Denver Post."

In a December 24 article about the Denver Broncos' final game at Mile High Stadium, News staff writer Robert Sanchez summed up the feelings of loyal fans in the South Stands with this simple, to-the-point start: "Drunken men cried Saturday."
In a December 24 article about the Denver Broncos' final game at Mile High Stadium, News staff writer Robert Sanchez summed up the feelings of loyal fans in the South Stands with this simple, to-the-point start: "Drunken men cried Saturday."

Best Place for a Working-Class Boy to Pick Up a Society Dame

Valet Parking

Ladies who lunch have to leave their cars somewhere, and valet parking at the Cherry Creek Shopping Center is the preferred spot to drop off the Lexus or Range Rover. Between shopping, eating out and going in for plastic surgery, these Denver dames lead busy lives, so a strapping young lad looking to improve his lot has to know when to make his move. What better time than while bored women wait for their cars? Feign an interest in shopping, and make sure to compliment her good taste. Offer to help carry her bags, and you may get more than just a tip.

Best Place for a Working-Class Boy to Pick Up a Society Dame

Valet Parking

Ladies who lunch have to leave their cars somewhere, and valet parking at the Cherry Creek Shopping Center is the preferred spot to drop off the Lexus or Range Rover. Between shopping, eating out and going in for plastic surgery, these Denver dames lead busy lives, so a strapping young lad looking to improve his lot has to know when to make his move. What better time than while bored women wait for their cars? Feign an interest in shopping, and make sure to compliment her good taste. Offer to help carry her bags, and you may get more than just a tip.

Best Strip Show Without an Admission Charge

Cherry Creek Trail

On warm spring, summer and fall days, the Cherry Creek Trail is where Denver goes to disrobe. Between the joggers, skaters, bicyclists and occasional waders, you're bound to see some skin. Best viewing spots include Confluence Park and the parks behind the Cherry Creek Shopping Center. The latter even includes a small beach where hunks and hunkettes sun themselves, and the grassy hills and terraces make fine outposts for an afternoon of discreet ogling.

Best Strip Show Without an Admission Charge

Cherry Creek Trail

On warm spring, summer and fall days, the Cherry Creek Trail is where Denver goes to disrobe. Between the joggers, skaters, bicyclists and occasional waders, you're bound to see some skin. Best viewing spots include Confluence Park and the parks behind the Cherry Creek Shopping Center. The latter even includes a small beach where hunks and hunkettes sun themselves, and the grassy hills and terraces make fine outposts for an afternoon of discreet ogling.

Best Place to Check Out the Competition

Loehmann's

Can't tell if that blouse fits just right? Wondering if those pants sag a little in the butt? Just ask one of the ladies next to you in the Loehmann's dressing room -- there should be plenty of them. Rather than offer individual stalls, this popular discount designer clothing store simply has one big cavern where everyone from teenagers, pregnant ladies and grandmothers gathers amid the furnitire, spare clothing racks and mannequins like one big, happy, naked family. Sure, it's a little embarrassing when you realize you're wearing threadbare panties purchased in 1988, but that's a small sacrifice considering the bargains -- and the chance to check out the competition. Now, could you help me with this zipper?

Best Place to Check Out the Competition

Loehmann's

Can't tell if that blouse fits just right? Wondering if those pants sag a little in the butt? Just ask one of the ladies next to you in the Loehmann's dressing room -- there should be plenty of them. Rather than offer individual stalls, this popular discount designer clothing store simply has one big cavern where everyone from teenagers, pregnant ladies and grandmothers gathers amid the furnitire, spare clothing racks and mannequins like one big, happy, naked family. Sure, it's a little embarrassing when you realize you're wearing threadbare panties purchased in 1988, but that's a small sacrifice considering the bargains -- and the chance to check out the competition. Now, could you help me with this zipper?

Designed as a retreat from the noise of the city, downtown Denver's newest park promises to be a favorite gathering place, with paths leading down to the edge of the South Platte River and a grove of cottonwoods surrounding a lush wetland. But the real surprise is on top of a rise at the center of Commons Park. Sunk into the earth is a stone directional marker that's intended to help you tell east from west -- but really looks like a piece of Stonehenge that's miraculously appeared along the Platte. Since the blocks of black granite are hidden from view, this is an ideal spot for getting frisky with your love or offering sacrifices to the gods.

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