Jaime Summers, where are you? Sure, the protagonist of NBC’s new Bionic Woman is still named Jaime Summers, but sadly that’s all that’s been retained from the original 1970s classic. No awesome bionic-sounds when she runs. No awesome Oscar Goldman as her tough-nerd handler. No awesome, period. And I really…
“Are you going to smile? Are you going to say, ‘My health care sucks’?” Nathan Wilkes asked his son, Thomas, as his photo was snapped at the Capitol last Friday evening during a vigil for those who have died because they lacked insurance. Thomas suffers from severe hemophilia, a blood…
I feel the same way about pig roasts that I do my morning run: I like the idea of it, but the execution is rarely so satisfying. My first pig roast happened when I was a senior in high school. As student body vice president, I was charged with turning…
View larger image District of Columbia Total Number of Delegates: 37 Pledged: 15 Unpledged: 22 How to Recognize a District of Columbia Delegate: Harry Truman said that if you want a friend in Washington, D.C., get a dog. John F. Kennedy said that D.C. is a town of southern efficiency…
HAVANA — It was just after midnight and although the last of the parade’s floats for Carnaval had already finished the route, the party was still popping with people dancing and drinking in the streets, all along the famous Malecon street, where all jiniteros’ eyes were on us. Jiniteros probably…
Denver Police Department Offense Report No: 07-652425 Date: 9-17-2007 Type of Offense: ??? Location of Offense: Squire Lounge Loss: $700 A male who will seemingly do anything to get laid files a police report claiming: “I met a woman at the Squire Lounge after talking for a while she asked…
There’s a mathematical formula that tells you why the NFL is ten times more awesome than baseball: 10.2 to one, to be precise. At 162 games, the baseball season is obscenely protracted, loitering about longer than the green sticks on trees, until seven teams and the Yankees are left to…
Rocky Mountain News columnist Bill Johnson has a well-founded reputation for factual sloppiness. This More Messages blog spotlights a July 11 Johnson offering with five separate botches and includes links to previous Message columns about several even more memorable trips he took to the inaccuracy minefield. As a result, the…
A May 21 blog seen in this space was headlined “The Colorado Rockies Lead the League — In Sucking,” and at the time, this assertion was inarguably true. The team, which has been down for years, appeared to be bound for subterranean depths even this notoriously mediocre franchise had never…
Although Florida’s movers-and-shakers may not pay much attention to Tom Tancredo, he definitely has his supporters. Laura Leighton of Tucson, for example, who over the weekend sent Westword a spirited, if out-of-right-field, defense of the Colorado congressman, repeated verbatim below: You’ve got your traitors wrong! Traitors are the people who…
Our February 1 Message column about the Rocky Mountain News’ sweeping redesign, which was necessitated by a smaller page size, noted that the Denver Post would be undergoing shrinkage, too — but it probably wouldn’t “have to change as dramatically as the Rocky.” That turned out to be an accurate…
A note from Broncos fans to Chicagoans on the occasion of the September 30 loss by the Chicago Bears to the Detroit Lions: Did we forget to tell you that Brian Griese sucks? — Michael Roberts…
“After 20 years of training, he finally found his calling.” And that calling was to restore the honor of his molested younger brother by donning a mask that looks like what Spiderman would wear if he joined the Blue Man Group and went all vigilante on Chile’s criminals. Mirageman, by…
The big news in Denver this week revealed some odd and heartbreaking instances of animal and child abuse, as well as two free speech issues at Colorado public schools. Yappers commenting on the Denver Post and Rocky Mountain News websites responded to the former in full force. Here are a…
Here’s a brief look at some of the items Americans are desperate to learn about today: Two Headed Turtle A rare, two-headed turtle is the star attraction at a Pennsylvania aquarium store. If P.T. Barnum were alive today, he would be running a website about shit like this and coining…
As reported in this September 28 Rocky Mountain News article, Colorado State University’s student communications board is slated to meet on October 4 to determine if J. David McSwane, student editor of CSU’s Rocky Mountain Collegian newspaper, should be punished for approving a September 21 editorial reading “FUCK BUSH.” Of…
Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday 108-degrees today, but I’ve stopped caring about the heat. I experienced my first earthquake! It was very small and brief, but it still managed to send me flying from my bed and into the doorway for safety. I think I’m the only dork who has…
Tom Tancredo will never be president. Shocking, I know, given his spot in the back of the pack of Republican candidates.But in Denver, where the sixth congressional district representative can grab a headline faster than he’d nuke Mecca, we have an outsized view of the impact that Tancredo has had…
Since the first one in February, the event series known as Untitled at the Denver Art Museum has transformed the new Hamilton wing from a huge crumpled piece of tin foil into a huge crumpled piece of tin foil that serves booze. Add some interesting special events combining music, live…
The swastika was known as an ancient religious symbol for Hindus and Buddhists before was appropriated by the Nazis in the 1940s. Since then, the pinwheel-like character has become the symbol of racism, fascism and other very bad isms. Unfortunately, it is also makes for some very functional architecture. Maximizing…
This awesome list of the world’s weirdest and stupidest conspiracy theories features the DIA as headquarters for NWO underground base conspiracy (See our story, “DIA Conspiracies Take Off,” August 30, for the full scoop on this one and some even weirder theories about our beloved airport), alongside such gems as…
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