Shmucks of the Week: The threesome from hell

I have very few rules in life. Don’t eat ice cream right before bed, unless you want heartburn. Don’t watch Jimmy Fallon right before bed, unless you want heartburn. And never, ever, under any circumstances, get high and drunk on a Monday night and have a threesome with another dude…

En garde!: Teen uses sword in Oxycontin heist attempt

Armed robbers are almost invariably armed with the same thing: a gun. Bo-ring! But nineteen-year-old Dylan Lee Suomi reportedly took a different tack Tuesday night when he decided to boost some Oxycontin from a Glendale Walgreens, using a samurai sword. Can’t say this switcheroo was all that successful: He managed…

Shmuck queen Christina Szele to be back on the streets soon

Get your mace ready, flight attendants. Westword’s favorite Shmuck of the Week recipient, Christina Szele, will have the opportunity to continue her reign of shmuckiness far sooner than many observers expected. Szele won her first shmuck “honor” in June 2008, when she engaged in “thrashing,” “cursing,” “kicking,” “screaming,” “punching,” “stomping”…

Pot house for sale

The three-bedroom, two-bath house at 13620 Plaster Circle in Broomfield currently for sale for $317,000 sounds like a pretty good place. “Updated ranch style home in very good condition,” reads the online description for the 1,752-square-foot residence, noting there are vaulted ceilings, slab granite counter tops, even a full basement…

Operation Fortune Cookie: Geography of a pot bust

View Operation Fortune Cookie: Geography of a pot bust in a larger map On February 16, 2008, more than a hundred law enforcement officers up and down the northern Front Range launched Operation Fortune Cookie, a multi-day raid on dozens of marijuana grow houses in the north metro area that…

Katrina scammer to taxpayers: My bad, totally

We get so many letters from prisoners proclaiming their innocence of any and all misdeeds that it’s curiously refreshing when one admits that he did something wrong. Wrong and dumb. So this recent, neatly typed apology from Charles W. Wimberly, resident of a federal prison in Tucson, caught our attention:…

Supermax food causes Terry Nichols to “sin against God”

Terry Nichols, who was convicted in the Denver-based Oklahoma City bombing trial and sentenced to life in prison at Colorado’s supermax facility, has a lot of time on his hands — and he’s been filling it for much of 2009 with legal filings in which he complains about the food…

Mile High Murder, No. 19: Death at 4914 North Enid Way

View Larger Map Weekends and evenings tend to spawn more violence than weekday mornings — but today was an unfortunate exception. Just past 9 a.m. today, Denver Police arrived at 4914 North Enid Way, a residence captured in the graphic above (if you have problems seeing the image, click “View…