Colorado Rockies Memes for 2016: Reason for Hope or More Suckage?

At least we know the Colorado Rockies won’t go winless this season. In game one of the 2016 campaign last night, the Rocks ruined vaunted free-agent-pitcher signee Zack Greinke’s debut for Arizona, clubbing the Diamondbacks 10-5. Such play is capable of inspiring optimism in fans — or at least in those…

Nine Things the Rockies Can Do to Start Winning Again

The folks at Coors Field announced last month that they were raising their outfield fences by a significant amount, both to normalize the home-run record in the field and to prevent so many teams from scoring on the poor Rockies by way of the long ball. Clearly, this is an…

Witney Carson Fines Von Miller $100 Per Fart on DWTS

Your Broncos MVP, ladies and gentleman, can’t stop passing gas. In a classic Von Miller move, the linebacker and hometown hero told the Dancing With the Stars judges that he has been getting fined for being late and farting too much by his dance partner Witney Carson. The price? A…

Boulder Speed-Flyer Harrison Fast Lost in Switzerland

Harrison Fast went missing while attempting to speed fly the Jungfrau in Switzerland on March 26. A graduate of Cherry Creek High School and the University of Boulder, he was on vacation from his job as a mechanical engineer at Real D in Boulder and was set to meet a…

CU Buffs Get March Madness Invite, But Can They Escape Round One?

Yesterday afternoon, the CU Buffs men’s basketball team learned that they’d been invited to the Big Dance — the 2016 NCAA Tournament popularly known as March Madness. The Buffs received an eight seed. That’s not bad given their 22-11 record — although this year, even the top seeds have more…

Meet New Bronco QB Mark “Butt-Fumbler” Sanchez in 20 Memes

Your Super Bowl champion Denver Broncos have a quarterback problem. First, Peyton Manning retired. Then presumed heir apparent Brock Osweiler signed with the Houston Texans. That suddenly left the Broncos scrambling for a viable signal caller — a situation the Daily Snark satirized in a piece claiming that the team had…

Brock Osweiler Woman-Pushing Video: Big Deal or No Deal?

Yesterday, Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning announced his retirement in a speech that prompted ESPN’s Michael Wilbon to name-check the most famous farewell address in American professional sports history — Lou Gehrig’s 1939 goodbye to the Yankees, when he called himself “the luckiest man on the face of the earth” despite suffering…

20 Best Peyton F*cking Manning Retirement Tweets

One sure way of identifying the most passionate Peyton Manning fans is their use of the middle name given to him in honor of his quarterbacking prowess: Peyton Fucking Manning — or PFM for short. When news broke early yesterday that Manning would be announcing his retirement at a press…

Von Miller to Appear on Next Season of Dancing With the Stars

After being named the Super Bowl 50 MVP, Bronco Von Miller headed out on a media victory tour. Stops included appearances alongside Ellen DeGeneres, plus stops at Saturday Night Live, the Today show, the Grammys and more. But now, he’s about to take part in his biggest gig yet. Sources say…

Woody Paige’s Peyton Manning Retirement Story: Scoop or Screw-up?

Over the weekend, Denver Post and ESPN personality Woody Paige made a big splash when he wrote that Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning, who led Denver to victory (with a lot of help from a tremendous defense) in Super Bowl 50, would announce his much-anticipated retirement. A helluva scoop? Well, the Broncos…