Dear Mexican: Why do white Americans buy into this Reconquista bullshit? I believe that these babosos talk about it more than Mexicans do. I have yet to meet a Mexican who is part of this “movement.” Every Mexican that I know has come to America to work, seek a better…
Dear Mexican: Why, oh, why do most Mexican women cut their long black hair after reaching the pivotal age of forty? Not only do they cut it, but they cut it short and proceed to dye it all shades of the most unnatural hair color for Mexicans: red. My own…
Dear Mexican: Whenever I see an ad for a Mexican ramera, they always describe themselves as “spicy.” Are Mexican women hiding habaneros in their panochas? Concha Curious Dear Gabacho: “I wish I could say that ‘Mexican Spitfire’ Lupe Velez was to blame for the ‘spicy’ epithet so often associated with…
Dear Mexican: Why do beaners or gabachos deliberately try to ignore white people and act like they’re not there, or when you’re walking by, the lady beaners laugh so hard with a repulsive fake laugh that you want to just punch them? Not only I have noticed this, but a…
Dear Mexican: For most of my life, I was oblivious to the hate that Mexicans have for Salvadorans. I became aware of it when I made the huge mistake of marrying a Salvi. Once I became engaged to my Salvi girlfriend, or whenever I would tell any Mexican that I…
Dear Mexican: As a teacher, we’ve been exhorted to expand our efforts in closing the achievement gap between majority and minority students (read: Anglos and Mexicans). I teach all of my students in the best ways that I can determine for each individual student, within the constraints of a classroom…
Dear Mexican: An uninsured wetback just hit my car and totaled his. He had no insurance and no license, but he did have a nice cell phone. I asked him if he was okay in my limited Spanish, but he did not ask about me or my children. He was…
Dear Readers: Since the Mexican’s sister is getting married to a good man from Zacatecas this weekend, I must go slaughter a pig and hire a banda sinaloense. So indulge yourselves in some piratería questions I ripped off from my book and await my return next semana! Dear Mexican: Isn’t…
Dear Mexican: As a Mexican-American, I’ve lived in St. Louis for about seventeen years and have seen a substantial influx of my brethren. Nevertheless, I’m for border security — against the no-good, godless Canadians. I hate Canadians! Funny accents and cold weather — ha! Why is America not closing the…
Dear Mexican: In “Garfield” strips in the funny pages that appeared earlier this year, Garfield is wearing a sombrero and taking siestas. While cute and all, isn’t that the sort of thing that we have been striving to stop? What was Jim Davis thinking? Maybe he needs a refresher course…
Dear Mexican: We gabachos get differing reports regarding the Reconquista. Some say it’s a genuine movement, well under way. Others claim it’ll never happen, but that it’s useful as a slogan that both antagonizes white America and energizes young Mexicans. Let’s say for now that it’s a genuine movement destined…
Dear Mexican: Why do Mexicans make the sign of mucho dinero with a gap between their thumb and index fingers, as if holding an imaginary wad of bills between both fingers? El Zorro Chupagringos Dear Gabacho-Sucking Fox: Because if a pendejo like you can get the gesture, imagine us normal…
Dear Mexican: I am a 22-year-old Mexican-American woman, still living with my parents but going to college, working full-time and taking care of myself financially. I grew up in a very traditional Mexican household, youngest of four kids, and we were all born in the United States. I’m unmarried, but with a steady boyfriend I have…
Dear Mexican: A gabacho in the local daily suggested that some of our prisons be outsourced to Mexico to save us some money. What are your thoughts? Would wabs make for good guards looking after homies and white-trash inmates? Have a chew on that taco. Mike the Mick From Missouri…
Dear Mexican: My family hasn’t been long in this country, came here because of lousy treatment by other Europeans, and didn’t live close enough to the southern U.S. border to have exposure to Mexico or Mexicans. So anyone looking down on Mexicans can be mysterious to many of us who…
Dear Readers: We begin, as we do each week, with cojones, although the huevos in question deal with my column a couple of semanas ago on why gabachos prefer the former term for testicles as opposed to the latter. I gave a rough etymology of the two (cojones comes from…
Dear Mexican: Why does El Tri act like pendejos every time the U.S. men’s national soccer team kicks its ass? They won’t even shake hands or exchange jerseys after the game, and they always act like the U.S. got lucky with the win, even though the Americans have destroyed Mexico…
Dear Mexican: Why do Mexicans at construction sites always draw a dick and vagina on the interiors of porta-potties? They sure are not as poetic as they are artistic. Then you’ve got the white boy reply, “Here I sit, flexing a…” You should know the rest. Original Schreck in Houston…
Dear Mexican: The mainstream media is making a big noise over Sonia Sotomayor likely being the first Latina Supreme Court justice, and that all Latinos should be proud. But Puerto Rican ain’t Mexican! The Supreme Court won’t have a shade of brown until a Mexican is sitting with Roberts and…
Dear Mexican: How can I get Mexicans to arrive at a meeting ON TIME? Punctual Pete Dear Gabacho: Tell them you’re offering green cards on a first-come, first-served basis. And then diles a gabachos to eliminate the concept of arriving “fashionably late,” the way they did the Polish joke. Dear…
Dear Mexican: Why is it that ever since the U.S./California let you people immigrate, tunnel, weasel or whatever into this country, nothing good has happened and/or come from it? California’s welfare program is burdened with low-life Hispanics. The prison system is 70 percent Hispanic, 45 percent gang-based. Real-estate values have…
Dear Mexican: Looking back recently on my distant youth in northwest Ohio, I came to the realization that the sweetest, most beautiful girl this gabacho ever went out with (indeed, in my entire senior class) was the pure-blooded daughter of Mexican immigrants. Am I under the sway of 1) simple…
