Could Mexico ask for stolen gold back from Spain?

Dear Mexican: I was wondering about the Spanish going into Mexico and taking the gold and artifacts away from the Indians. Could the Mexican government ask for the gold back? What do you think? Raider of the Lost Chonis Dear Mexican: Why doesn’t Mexico’s president demand that all nations and/or…

Dear Mexican: We need a Mexican Marshall Plan

Dear Mexican: Suppose the United States government and the American public were as progressive and conscious of our country’s true self-interest as are, for example, many European countries, and suppose this had been true in the decades immediately following World War II, when Northern and Western Europe subsidized the development…

Undocumented kids can think for themselves

Dear Mexican: Barack Hussein Obama, how you dare deprive Mexico of its young, educated people. These illegal aliens in the U.S. are the only hope for Mexico, and you want to keep them here in the U.S.. They could start businesses, create jobs and improve the standard of living for…

Dear Mexican: I need a Mexican girlfriend

Special shout-out to: Metropolitan State College of Denver (soon to be Metropolitan State University of Denver), which lowered tuition rates for undocumented students who have lived in Colorado for much of their lives after the Colorado Legislature refused to pass a bill that would’ve done the same. I had the…

Since when did black beans become “higher class”?

Dear Mexican: I’m in this country illegally, but I have a current passport from the country I am from, and I have an international driver’s license. I could not renew my California driver’s license after my travel visa expired. Occasionally, I fly commercially within the U.S., and these docs are…

What’s the deal with the Ojo de Vidrio?

Dear Mexican: I work construction here in Texas. The mojados at work call me “Chicano” (which really angers me) to make fun of me, and I reply to them by saying, “¡México, bien por su gente!” This leads to debates that the Hispanic population will be the majority of the…

What’s with Mexicans and trucks full of mattresses?

Dear Mexican: Why can’t the United States and Mexico agree on one only name for the Rio Bravo/Grande river? And I don’t understand why the Americans lo dice in español. Marfa Maven Dear Wabette: The Mexican is a Californian by the grace of God, so doesn’t dare tread the intellectual…

Does the cold weather make Mexicans mad??

I’m coming to Denver! Gentle cabrones, my much-promised Taco USA: How Mexican Food Conquered America has finally hit bookstores, and I’ll be in town at the end of this month to talk tacos. Mark your calendars for 6 p.m. Wednesday, May 30, when the real fiesta comes down at Su…

I hate Mexicans except for the girls!

Dear Mexican: I’m getting sick and tired of all these dirty, stupid Mexicans running around. The first part is easy: As Mr. Dicks says in David Copperfield when asked what to do with David, “Why, bathe him.” The second part could be just as easy: Pay them to learn English…

Am I wrong to fear Tijuana?

Dear Mexican: I am a twenty-year-old, tall, slender, blond Jewish Russian-American; he is a 24-year-old, short, muscular Mexican. At face value, you would never think we would work well, but we do. I started to love him. He’s the most unique person I have ever met. He is never down,…

Who are all the gueros running Mexico?

Dear Mexican: How come there are a bunch of fair-skinned, European-looking guys running Mexico? When I am in Mexico, I see them having power lunches in fine restaurants, driving Beemers and escorting absolutely breathtaking women with long legs and high cheekbones around town. Who are these guys? How can I…

Why do Mexicans put murals on lowriders?

Gentle cabrones: My much-promised Taco USA: How Mexican Food Conquered America, has finally hit bookstores! Place your order with your favorite local bookstore, your finer online retailers, your craftier piratas, but place it: My libro editor has already promised to deport me from the publishing industry if we don’t sell…

Why do Hispanics deny that George Zimmerman is Hispanic?

Dear Mexican: Why do Hispanics deny that George Zimmerman is Hispanic? He did nothing wrong and has been crucified in the media. La Raza cannot bow down to the race-baiters and race traitors who call themselves African-American leaders! Brown and Down Dear Wab: This column is ¡Ask a Mexican!, not…

Speak English, cabron!

Dear Mexican: Stop using Spanish in your column.  I like reading your column, but when every other word is in Spanish, I don’t know what the hell is going on. It makes you sound like that nerdy kid who uses big words to try and sound impressive. Don’t be lazy, and…

Will Mexicanos ever see Chicanos as equals?

Dear Mexican: I was born in Los Estados Unidos, my father is from Tamaulipas, and my mother is a third-generation Chicana. I’m married to a Mexicano, and we recently vacationed in his home town of Apatzingan, Michoacán. It was my first time meeting my in-laws and everyone from his colonia…

America is obsessed with Mexis instead of Canadian illegals

Dear Mexican: I work for a major news organization and often have heard the figure of 10 million illegal Mexicans. Unofficially, I have been quoted the number 20 to 25 million illegals, most of them not Mexican. From experience with the government, I would say these numbers are low. Why…

And the insanity in Arizona continues…

Dear Mexican: Aunqué soy Boricua, mi corazón está al lado del pueblo mejicano, aquí en Arizona. ¿Porqué no hablas contra “La Bruja Mala del Oeste,” Gobernadora Jan Brewer; “El Leon Cobarde,” Ex-Senador Russell Pearce; “El Hombre Hecho de Lata,” Alguacil del Condado Maricopa Joe Arpaio; “El Hombre Hecho de Paja,” Abogado…

What’s the best way to learn Spanish on your own?

Dear Mexican: I’ve tried and failed to learn the Spanish language for the last two years. During high school and college, I took both Spanish I and Spanish II, but nothing really stuck with me. Last year, I visited a Spanish-speaking church to help immerse myself in the language, but…