The Protest Test

We are not on trial for the DNC. I am not a member of Re-create 68,” Glenn Morris told the court. “We are on trial for what happened on October 6, 2007.” What happened then is still a matter of dispute — but one thing is certain: Something very like…

Bruce on the Loose

The Colorado Statehouse goes live at 1 p.m. today — and not a moment too soon. When Speaker Andrew Romanoff, et. al., decided to start broadcasting their sessions (at coloradochannel.net and Comcast’s channel 165), they didn’t have any idea that they’d be getting a mid-season star: Doug Bruce. “Our goal…

Steer Clear!

Dear Mexican: The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration reports that Mexican-Americans have the highest proportion of DUIs and alcohol-related traffic fatalities of any ethnic group (60 percent, as opposed to 40 percent for Caucasians, and substantially higher than any other Latino group). I apologize that my question isn’t wisecracky, but…

Tears and Loathing in New Hampshire

At 6 a.m. Tuesday, Fox News reported that it had already received over a thousand e-mails from viewers discussing Hillary Clinton tearing up the day before in New Hampshire — and over 40 percent didn’t believe they were real tears. “Some people think elections are a game, lots of who’s…

David Lane’s Subpoena Envy

The best defense is a good offense. Friday was David Lane’s birthday, and the criminal defense attorney gave himself a present by wreaking some legal havoc. When Claudia Jordan, the Denver County Court judge presiding over a hearing for some of the 83 Columbus Day protesters, announced that potential witnesses…

Saints Preserve Us

Dear Mexican: I feel that the more Mexicans who come to this country, the better. I am a Mormon, a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. In our Book of Mormon, on the left side of page 54, verse 6, it says, “There shall none…

A Different Breed

Dear Mexican: As everyone knows, dogs seem to reflect their master’s personalities. Likewise, the breeds invented by a nation say a lot about that nation. Germans bred the German shepherd and Rottweilers: smart, loyal, faithful yet a little cold, and not the kind of dogs you want to piss off…

Frequently Asked Preguntas

Dear Readers: Gracias, thank you, gracias for another successful year. The Mexican now appears in 32 newspapers across the country, with a weekly circulation of just over two million! As more readers join the Reconquista, many ask the same preguntas about the column’s methodology, philosophy and generous use of the…

Always in Vogue

“It’s sad.” All day, the shoppers keep coming into All American Vogue, pausing to look at the Fiesta ware, to read the anti-Bush bumperstickers, to finger that ’50s jacket they’ve fingered so many times before, and then to stop before the man standing behind the counter. The stretch of Broadway…

Photo Finish

Just in time for the holiday crush, Denver International Airport has a new attraction — and no, it’s not the bathroom where Idaho senator Larry Craig reportedly issued another one of his wide-stance invitations (“Stalled,” December 6). This attraction encourages travelers to join another mile-high club altogether, by having their…

Labor Daze

Dear Mexican: USA citizens are sick and tired that for more than forty years, Latin American elites have lived like monarchs because they pimp their poor to American businesses for cheap labor that American taxpayers have been forced to subsidize with health care, food, housing, education and so forth, costing…

Zero Population

Dear Mexican: I’m sad that there aren’t more Mexicans here in the Detroit area. We’re one of the few areas in the country that is predominantly Catholic. We’ve welcomed wave after wave of Catholic immigrants for well over a hundred years, and they’ve intermingled and blended into our local society…

Larry Craig Shlepped Here!

“Flying out tomorrow morning…been penned up with my parents all weekend. I see adds on here occasionally for sex at DIA…can that really happen? Love to suck cock and get sucked,” writes one eager poster in the “men seeking men” section of craigslist. “Stuck at dia in red carpet club,”…

A Real Bitch-Hunt

John McCain stood up to his North Vietnamese interrogators, but he caved last month when an elderly supporter asked, “How do we beat the bitch?” Rather than refuse to answer the query (or point out that she wouldn’t ask “How do we beat the prick?”), he called it an “excellent…

Cheese Quiz

Dear Mexican: I was born in beautiful El Paso, and my parents are from Juaritos. I always wondered why Mexican restaurants en los Estados Unidos use queso amarillo — which I associate with los Estados Unidos — on their food instead of queso asadero or queso Oaxaca, which taste so…

Stranger in a Strange Land

Dear Mexican: With a scant four weeks before I cram my mochila with a few clothes for me and a horde of presents for my future cuñadas, sobrinas y mi mera suegra, I found myself terror-stricken tonight as mi novio and I watched a home video of his family doing…

Hot Wheels

Dear Mexican: What’s the deal with Spanish-language car-dealership commercials that feature bikini-clad porn-star wannabes copulating with used cars? I just saw one where three girls were rubbing melted chocolate on each other. Surely no one in mainstream Caucasian America could get away with such overtly sexual, misogynistic advertising. Does this…

Greetings from DIA

Maybe all it took was Sunday’s visit from Mary Peters, the Transportation secretary, who vowed to keep the nation’s airports operating through the holidays — and choose Denver as the poster child for last year’s dysfunctional flying. Maybe it was the holiday entertainment that kicked off yesterday, which translated to…

Getting Denver Ready for the DNC

Hundreds of journalists descended on Denver this week for a Democratic National Convention briefing at the Pepsi Center, just a taste of the tens of thousands who will hit this city next August. On Monday night, many of those journalists got their own first taste of Denver at a reception…

Thats Sick!

Dear Mexican: Is Lou Dobbs right when he says that close to eighty hospitals in California have been closed down because of the illegals, or is he lying?Cabrones No Necesitamos Dear CNN: Dobbs is right to a certain point, and only in spite of his idiocy. The father of two…

Beaner Bawl

Dear Mexican: I like to think that I’m an open-minded sorta guy for a teenager. I fervently oppose racial stereotypes, though I do think they’re sometimes good for a laugh or two. I have several Mexican friends, and none of them live up to the “Mexican standard” of lawn-mowing, stupidity…

Dead Letter Day

Dear Mexican: How do I go to the Mexican grocery store and bakery to buy supplies for our Día de los Muertos party without looking like I’m doing the kitschy-goofy thing I’m doing? I walk up to the register and smile ingratiatingly, saying “Gracias” as usual — but a basketful…