Beer Today, Gone Tomorrow

When the 37th annual confab of the Beewery Collectibles of America — the CANvention — convened in Denver last week, there was only one possible person to deliver the keynote address: Mayor John Hickenlooper, who gave this town one of its most liquid assets when he and a couple of…

Sit Down, Stand Up

Dear Mexican: Do you agree with immigration-rights activists calling Elvira Arellano, who is an illegal immigrant and a criminal, I might add, the Mexican Rosa Parks? The very idea that these people refer to her as such is deeply disturbing. Rosa Parks was a legal resident of this country and…

Macho Nacchio Man

You can’t keep a good judge down. Yesterday Joe Nacchio notched a win in the first round of his appeal over his conviction for illegal insider trading, with three appellate judges ruling that the badly toupeed former Qwest exec can stay free on $2 million bond pending an expedited appeal…

Read My Lip Liner

Dear readers: It’s not just questions and racist rants that invade the Mexican’s mailbox. Your feedback sneaks under my digital fence, también. Let’s start with Lean Like a K Street Chola, a former gangbanger turned lobbyist who wrote in a couple of weeks back wondering how she could explain to…

Brown Fields

Dear Mexican: I had a discussion with a couple of gringos who said immigration (both legal and illegal) needs to stop. I replied jokingly, “Then who will take our orders at McDonald’s or work in the fields?” They told me there are Americans willing to work those jobs, especially in…

Nobel Virtues

Yes, Ivan Suvanjieff has been nominated for the 2008 Nobel Peace Prize. But he has a bigger concern right now. “I’m going to miss the White Stripes on this tour,” he laments. The artist/musician/former Ford factory-worker/current peace-pusher had tickets for Jack White’s New Mexico show in October, but it was…

Drink Up, Ladies!

This is not only something I can do as a United States citizen, this is something I believe I must do,” Steve Horner told Judge Brian Campbell. “This is Rosa Parksish. This is Martin Luther Kingish.” This is ludicrousish. On its surface, the concept of ladies’ nights might seem unfair…

Una Rosa by Any Other Name

Dear Mexican: I’ve run into a problem with my wife. I’d like to proudly display our last name on the back window of the family car, but she won’t allow it. Where did this name-display tradition start? Tejano Rick Dear Wab: A Mexican man who allows his mujer a say…

The Fire Next Time

Logging onto my computer, it almost hurt to type my password. For now, it is the name of a small town fifteen miles away from the Montana cabin where my family has spent every summer since 1970. The experts tell you not to choose a password that people might be…

Hey, Laaaaadies!

Steve Horner will have his day in court today, when his complaint filed against Westword for advertising ladies’ night deals goes before Judge Brian Campbell. The action is in Denver County Court,(courtroom 4 in the Adams Mark annex off Cleveland Place) but Horner has been all over the media –…

Lip Service

Dear Mexican: Why do Mexicans say “¡Ojalá Dios quiere!”? Ojalá refers to Allah, the Muslim god, and Dios is the Christian god. Do Mexicans want to cover their bases and get a double blessing, or maybe they can’t they make up their minds? ¿Qué pasó con los dos dioses? White…

Bad Guy, Good Music

Yes, on the DIA train that’s now the voice of Denver mayor John Hickenlooper welcoming you to Denver. Pete Smythe and Reynelda Muse have also left the station, replaced by Alan Roach and Adele Arakawa. And sound artist Jim Green, who installed the original recordings fifteen years ago, didn’t stop…

A Blooming Shame

Big Beef. Tiny Tim. First Lady. Early Girl. Better Boy. Kenny Vetting laughs at the notion of “heirloom” tomatoes that are only fifty years old. But then, the seed business that his grandfather started is 87 years young. And sometime in early August, the Rocky Mountain Seed Company will finally…

Exposing His Cockney

Dear Readers: You love us, you really love us! Mere moments after publishing my July 12 column (in which a couple of Know Nothings had their say on the failed Senate amnesty bill), ustedes bombarded the Mexican with letters expressing your disgust toward those pendejos. Space prohibits printing them all,…

Of Mice and Men

The Micky Manor is back. That’s Micky, without an “e.” In 1932, when the old firehouse first became an eatery, Walt Disney didn’t look too favorably on a joint being named after his star cartoon character. But dropping a letter seemed to do the trademark-respecting trick, and no one ever…

History Lesson

Dear Mexican: Why don’t Mexicans ever drop their Spanish? Even third- and fourth-generation Mexican-Americans still speak the language to some degree or other. I speak Japanese, but I’m losing it quickly, and when my mother passes on, so will my language. The typical Asian-American kid may attend Chinese, Korean or…

Special Colorado Edicin

Dear Mexican: Colorado boasts a large Mexican population and ski industry, yet so few Mexicans ski. Please explain. Vail Vato Dear Gabacho: Why should we? So ustedes can call us frostbacks? Dear Mexican: Okay, so there’s a shitload of you wabs in Denver now. And, yes, I know Colorado means…

Thirst Fridays: Another Round

Is that glass half-empty or half-full? Just in time for the next First Friday — the gaggle of gallery openings around town tomorrow, July 6 — Colorado Lawyers for the Arts has posted a summary of liquor laws compiled by the Denver Department of Excise and Licenses and the Office…

Baby Boom

Dear Mexican: I welcome the inclusion of a nice big scoop of chopped habañeros in the bland casserole that is America. I must admit, however, that it gave me pause the other day when I saw an all-too-typical familia of recent arrivals at Kmart: mom, pop and four kids less…

A Judge’s Suicide: We, the Jury

After years of being studiously – insultingly – ignored, I was finally called up for jury duty in Denver District Court a few years ago. I was eager to do my civic duty, particularly since the courtroom where I was sent along with dozens of other potential jurors was set…

We’ll Drink to That

Mayor John Hickenlooper has found a replacement for Stephanie O’Malley, the former director of the Denver Department of Excise and Licenses who now has her hands full as the newly elected Clerk & Recorder. Yesterday Awilda R. Marquez was named to head the department – and she’s going to have…